It's dawned on me over the last couple of months that my youthfulness is visibly slipping away and my dating tactic has to change somewhat. I'm a firm believer in Karma and I think mine is attacking me with all the force of an early Mike Tyson.

I'm heading into my mid thirties now and for some reason it has taken me till just recently to realise that I'm by no means a great catch for the younger audience anymore - or any for that matter. The last female I woke up with a few weeks back not only had to endure the fact that I had  3 sheets of printer paper standing in for toilet roll, but also my horrendeous old man groaning as I bent over to put my socks on as we lovingly arose from between the sheets. Short of giving me a bed bath and cutting my ear hairs, she may as well have been a carer.

Why I'm on such a downer is until now, I really still felt young.Almost like I should be dating girls in their early to mid twenties. The final straw came last week as I sat in a nightclub and a friend in our group headed up to ask the DJ if he took requests. My only one was could he turn the fuckin music down, I'm trying to have a conversation here. Time to have a rethink...

I've never really dated girls my age or older, but I'm ready to give it a go in view of my latest issues. The caution I have with the mid to late thirties woman is threefold. Firstly,If you go into the thirtysomething dating arena,be ready for some kind of commitment if you do infact click - by this stage in life, girls aren't looking for a quick fumble.Play games with them at your peril as they are far more skilled in the art of revenge than their younger comrades. Secondly, if they have kids, generally by now, the children are heading into adolesence. Call me selfish, but I'd rather not be taking on another man's stroppy little teen. I have visions of having to run an ungrateful brat to football practice or princess to ballet and I just don't think I'm that guy. Then thirdly, if they don't have a failed marraige, kids and the whole circus, then alarm bells start ringing. If no man has ever taken her out for a proper test drive by this age, what in gods name is wrong with her? A Kathy Bates style scene from Misery starts to creep into the imagination and just like that, Mrs Robinson is wiped from the memory....

Anyway, my age search criteria on the dating sites has now gone up half a decade, so lets see what it brings. I'm hoping a charming, intelligent, mature cougar type comes my way, but I'm fairly sure a few Cruella de Vil alikes lurk around the corner....