I never thought I'd use the line, but in my drunken haze yesterday, I actually sent that in a text. She replied with "You are a w*nker" - no arguements there....

So on friday I'd arranged to meet my second air stewardess in a week. Good work if you can get it... She lived down in Crawley which is near Gatwick airport, so she suggessted coming up to Clapham with a friend of hers, who was also a Virgin stewardess.  The more the merrier...

I was having a few earliy drinks with a friend from school and then my brother and a mutual friend came to join. I'd told her to give me a ring when they got off the train and I would direct them to the bar. Friday night in Claphamm high street can get pretty hectic and my school friend wanted to move onto a newly opened place as he was meeting some other people in there. I hate queuing so decided to go our sperate ways. My brother had a big job on saturday so wasn't drinking and ended up driving me and my other friend to the trusty tapas bar I'm constantly frequenting in anticipation of meeting the two girls. Worked out well as he is newly single and would be a trusty wingman.

She called around 10ish and I guided them to the bar - not the easiest task with a couple of drunken, ditzy blondes on the other end of the line, but we got there in the end. As soon as they walked in, no doubting it was them. Straight away though my eyes were drawn to her friend, a smaller, prettier version of my date. Oops.

It was clear that all four of us had been drinking for a while before meeting, but that made for easy conversation. I was spending more time chatting with my date which I guess is the correct protocol, but I found my eyes wondering over in her friends direction a fair bit. As I went to the bar to get more drinks, I whispered in her friends ear that I thought she looked gorgeous - I know this isn't putting me in a great light, but the saying goes, all's fair in love and war. She was pretty wasted anyway and took it as harmless flirting...or so I thought. 

After spending a few more hours drinking and chatting, it was clear that my date was fairly keen, but her friend by this time was really drunk and I think my mate had waved the white flag. He decided to call it a night and left me with the pair of them. I invited them back to mine, but her friend wanted to get the train home. I wasn't going to push it as I didn't overly fancy my date, so just pointed them in the direction of the train station and started my 10 min journey home. The joys of hanging out locally....

As I was walking, I recevied a text from the 23 year old I saw earlier in the week asking what I was up to. It was 2am so she must be drunk somewhere. Hmmm, promising. As I was texting her back, not at lightening speed I must say due to my inebriated state, my phone started ringing. It was the air stewardess. I answered and she told me she'd had a row with her friend and they now had gone their seperate ways and she'd get a taxi to mine. Girls. What a great 2 minutes I was having though....

I gave her the address and put the phone down with a wry smile. I had to delete the half text I was sending the 23 year old now. I thought I'd text her tomorrow and just prentend I'd been asleep.

So the stewardess turned up shortly after I'd got back and we pretty much got straight down to business. I set the ipod to my Justin Timberlake playlist and was ready ready to go..

I'd say I'm fairly giving in the bedroom and it excites me knowing the girl I'm with is enjoying her experience back at my ranch. So this in mind as I expertly pinged her bra off after a 30 second fumble, I was ready to go downstaris...

After a little bit of kissing the neck, upper body and nipple areas to the sound of Cry Me A River, my hands slowly started removing her knickers. At the time it felt like my touch was a gentle as a summer breeze, but in reality it was probably like two shovels digging into her hips....

I was a bit taken aback by the size of these bloody things - doesn't everyone put on their best underwear on a night out just incase things go to plan?. She clearly hadn't thought this through or she has a horrendeous fetish for granny style undies. Then after this unpleasant suprise, I was faced with an extremely disheveled pussy. Back in the 80's this was acceptable as people didn't know any different, but big hairy beasts should be a thing of the past. I'm not burying my head in that, so it was back to the upper body.....

We ended up having sex for a while, but I really wasn't feeling it. I couldn't get over the site of the Beast. I was really just going through the motions and was happy once it was all over.

In the morning we had some idle chat chat and she was a nice girl, but was glad when I'd walked her to the bus stop and waved her out of sight.I spent all day yesterday nursing a horrendeous hangover then in the evening received a text from my hairy friend. She asked if I had come onto her friend in the bar, as this is what her mate had told her. I was still in a bit of a haze and I knew I wasn't going to see her again, so text back with the line "Don't hate the player, hate the game". What a tw*t, but I am chuckling to myself as I write this.

That is the last I'll be hearing from her. I'd like to tell her that she needs to "smarten up" as it were if she has any chance of keeping a guy interested, but thats for her to figure out.

So a British Airways and Virgin stewardess in the same week. I'm starting to enjoy this internet dating lark......