I have an age range of 23-33 on my online dating profile which I believe is broad enough to catch me the girl that I'm after. The beauty of life is that we're all attracted by different things, but one trait that has never been on my radar is the older woman. Maybe its my obvious fear of commitment, but I like the energy and care free attitude that comes with dating younger girls, although last night was an exception to the rule....
If I'm honest, I was sure she would be high maintainance from our email conversations, but I'm a sucker for a pretty face. She drove over to a bar that is a 2 minute walk from my flat, so I really had nothing to lose other than a few hours of my time.
She was 24 years old and living on her own in Mayfair. For those that don't know, this is one of, if not the, most exclusive addresses in London, reserved for the super rich. It is probably only 5 miles from where I live, but worlds apart.....and I think her sat nav was telling her that as she must have called at least 5 times on the way over to ask directions.
As I was guiding her in from the bar I saw a black Range Rover pull up over the road. Definately her. I knew she worked for a hedge fund, but without sounding too sexist, there is no way a 24 year old girl can afford to live in Mayfair and drive a Range without a little help....from Daddy no doubt.
As she headed into the bar, I could almost feel the class barriers crashing. Although I was lucky enough to go to private school, I ended up coming out of the education system with what can only be described as a slight Essex accent. Lets just say I'm more Danny Dyer than Prince Harry, although I have huge affection for my favourite Royal.
I was dressed in jeans, a t-shirt and timberlands. She turned up looking like she was ready for a night at the Opera. Long black leather gloves, a cravat and a pair of shoes on that possibly cost more than the bar we were in.
Although I had been presumptuous about the type of girl she was, it soon became apparent that I was correct. Daddy was a celebrity in Malta and mummy was a Dutch model. She had come to the UK by herself about a year ago and although I have respect for anyone who sets out on their own, it does help to ease the loneliness when papa buys you an apartment in Central London to reside in and ships over a customised Range Rover for you. Its hardly the same as staying at the local YMCA or getting a Greyhound bus between destinations.
We started talking about previous online dates and it was evident that her theme was anyone with a bit of money, mainly hedge fund CEO's or Investment bankers. She told me that working past 28 years of age was not an option as by then she would "have a man to take care of my every need". Poor fucker. He'll be getting sex once a year or when she wants kids and thats his lot. She was so self absorbed I almost felt sorry for her as it clearly was beacuase the parents had given her absolutely everything, but then I looked out of the window at her car and the pity soon faded.
She wasn't drinking and the more alcohol I have, the worse my accent gets. By the end of the evening, I felt like Oliver Twist. I was almost tempted to ask her if she'd sponsor me - she could tell her friends she helps a poor Cockney fellow out for charity.
Although I take everyone at face value and I'd like to think I'm fairly easy to get on with, could I see myself quaffing champers at a polo match with Tarquin and Henretta talking about country retreats?.....well yes, for sure, but someone may end up releasing the hounds on this South London oik so I'll stick to what I know....
I'm out with the air stewardess again this weekend. It maybe my second online dating break up if she carries on with the pressure questions and I only joined up less than 3 months ago. Not great statistics.
So after a heavy friday night in central London with friends which finished up around 6am, I woke late in the afternoon on saturday. I looked a fucking mess and I was sure my Bangladeshi date that evening wouldn't have been to impressed with what she saw - literally looked like I'd just walked out of a joint do for Pete Doherty and Amy Winehouse. After getting a good lot of food inside me, shower and shave, I was still feeling horrendous, but like a true Brit, I was ready to go and drink through it....
I can go one of two ways here - sometimes with hare of the dog I can turn into a drunken mess within two drinks, whilst other times its as if I hadn't touched a drop the night before. I was hoping I could pull of the later, but it was in the hand of the gods...
I turned up a bit early to the bar we were meeting in and started realising that I had no idea what she did, if she spoke with a full on Bangledshi accent or anything about her culture.....luckily the barmaid told me it was still happy hour so that calmed my nerves and by the time my date turned up, I had two bottles of beer infornt of me. Good start...
She had an absolutely beautiful face and very calm manner. I'm fairly hyper at the best of times so this really was ying and yang. I was still pretty unsteady from the previous night's drinking so I kept firing questions about her culture and country to deflect from my obvious lack of conversational skills - she must have thought I was writing the Lonely Planet chapter on Bangledesh with the amount of facts I was after...
After a couple of hours, she was still nursing a small glass of wine with a bottle of water. By this point, I'd had my fair share of 2 for 1 bottles of beer and she did comment on my drinking. Not a great sign after 120 minutes of meeting, but I think if I'd tried to explain that I was drinking quickly to lessen my shakes as I'd got shitfaced the previous night, that wouldn't have been the answer she was looking for....We actually moved onto another bar, but it was more going through the motions. Come around 10ish, I was ready to get away, so told her I had work in the morning. We said our goodbyes and I headed home content with 3 pieces of chicken and chips....
I am all up for experiencing new cultures, but I think when it comes to a partner, there is alot to be said for coming from the same background or at least having the same mother tongue. You have shared alot of common experiences and can laugh/discuss these at will, whereas alot will get lost in translation with someone from elsewhere on the planet. Anyway, its each to there own, but think I'll be sticking to dating girls with English as their first langauge - if I can't find a girl in that wide a demographic, then I've got my own issues to address...
My air stewardess is back in town early this week so will be hooking up with her at some point. I've calmed down from her awkward questions, but we'll see how it goes this week. I've also been chatting away on the email with a young daddy's girl living in Mayfair, so may dust off the cravat and blazer ready fro a date with her...
Fresh from a couple of back to back dates, which I will chat about in a sec, I've had a particularly bad week. I, along with hundreds of other investors, have been shafted in a Ponzi style scheme that will become the biggest fraud ever to be seen in the UK. An expensive lesson I've learnt from this is, if its too good to be true....its too good to be true.. Secondly, what the f&ck has happened to summer in England? We were promised a blazing year and so far, apart from two weeks when the tennis was on, its been chucking it down. We seem to be escaping this whole global warming issue quite comfortably....
So, I had another light hearted date with the 23 year old on tuesday evening. We again met locally and chat of 80's luminous clothing coming back into fashion was a welcome distraction from thinking about my woeful business losses. I am a little worried that she got phone calls from her mum and dad during both dates just to check up on her.The mum is Italian and the father Maltese. With this in mind, I'm scared to death of making too much of a move on her or I could end up sleeping with the fishes sometime soon. Anyway, we'll just have to see how it pans out....
Last night, I met up with the non abusive air stewardess. This was the third time we had seen each other and although I do like her, the signs are that she wants to move it along a little quicker than me. Over drinks, she told me most ex boyfriends had an issue with her job as she is away alot. Then she asked how I feel about it.
For a fairly confident guy, I'm suprisngly awkward when it comes to anything to do with relationships. My parents split up when I was 16 so I'll try and pass the blame over to them, but in reality, its just I don't like commitment. In 12 years communting into the City, only a handful of times did I buy a monthly travelcard as I even saw this as being tied down. The mere mention of an annual pass sent my head spinning and a colleague would have to shoot off to the water cooler to get me some liquids to settle me down again.
So her question took me by surprise and I just mumbled something about its your job and I hope you enjoy it, which was a completely irrelevant answer, but my mouth was moving as the brain froze. Not content with this bumbling answer, she then asked where she thought we were heading - Lord, I need a colleague here now with a water cooler. I produced a better answer this time around saying we're having fun together and lets not put a label on it just yet. Feeling pretty damn impressed with my quick fire retort, I ordered a celebratory shot. The rest of the evening went as palnned and she left this morning with a flight out to Denver at some point over the weekend.
I feel today though that with her questions, I'm a little less attracted to her. The slightest whiff of desperation turns me off completely. When you first meet someone, just enjoy their company, have good sex and have a laugh. All 3 things will fade pretty quickly so just enjoy it while it lasts.. Maybe I'm being a little harsh as I'm hungover and wound up about this Pozi shit, so hopefully I'll be wanting to see her once she returns from her travels next week.
I'm out with friends on friday night, but have arranged a date on saturday with a Bangladeshi girl. She looks gorgeous, but I have minimal knowledge of their culture which I'm guessing isn't just to get shitfaced like us Brits..... but if you don't buy a ticket.....
So yesterday I received a mail in my online dating account from friday nights date. Not content with sending me an abusive text, which I thoroughly deserved, she followed it up with a mail telling me in no uncertain terms what she thinks of my being. Not sure she could have fitted the word tosser into one paragraph many more times....
My only real issue here is that if you have sex with someone on the first night, you are playing the game. Something may develop if both parties are feeling it, but you also run the risk that it could just be a drunken bit of fun.
I'm not one to catagorize woman who jump into bed with a man on the first night - these girls have been a big part of my life for years - but if you think that a few hours drunk in a bar and a few minutes drunk in bed are the basis of a new relationship, you're quite frankly a few sandwiches short of a picnic....
Anyway, I didn't reply with any sarcastic dating advice as she knows where I live, so hopefully she'll just learn form this experience....and perhaps before her next date, get down the waxing clinic.....
Air stewardess number 1 is back from Hong Kong today so she is driving up tomorrow evening and tonight I have another rendez vous with the charming 23 year old. As I picked up a copy of the Sunday Times at the weekend, I also grabbed the News Of The World to brush up on celeb gossip. Stories of Jordan and her new cage fighting boyfriend plus Posh's night out in London should keep the conversation flowing....
I never thought I'd use the line, but in my drunken haze yesterday, I actually sent that in a text. She replied with "You are a w*nker" - no arguements there....
So on friday I'd arranged to meet my second air stewardess in a week. Good work if you can get it... She lived down in Crawley which is near Gatwick airport, so she suggessted coming up to Clapham with a friend of hers, who was also a Virgin stewardess. The more the merrier...
I was having a few earliy drinks with a friend from school and then my brother and a mutual friend came to join. I'd told her to give me a ring when they got off the train and I would direct them to the bar. Friday night in Claphamm high street can get pretty hectic and my school friend wanted to move onto a newly opened place as he was meeting some other people in there. I hate queuing so decided to go our sperate ways. My brother had a big job on saturday so wasn't drinking and ended up driving me and my other friend to the trusty tapas bar I'm constantly frequenting in anticipation of meeting the two girls. Worked out well as he is newly single and would be a trusty wingman.
She called around 10ish and I guided them to the bar - not the easiest task with a couple of drunken, ditzy blondes on the other end of the line, but we got there in the end. As soon as they walked in, no doubting it was them. Straight away though my eyes were drawn to her friend, a smaller, prettier version of my date. Oops.
It was clear that all four of us had been drinking for a while before meeting, but that made for easy conversation. I was spending more time chatting with my date which I guess is the correct protocol, but I found my eyes wondering over in her friends direction a fair bit. As I went to the bar to get more drinks, I whispered in her friends ear that I thought she looked gorgeous - I know this isn't putting me in a great light, but the saying goes, all's fair in love and war. She was pretty wasted anyway and took it as harmless flirting...or so I thought.
After spending a few more hours drinking and chatting, it was clear that my date was fairly keen, but her friend by this time was really drunk and I think my mate had waved the white flag. He decided to call it a night and left me with the pair of them. I invited them back to mine, but her friend wanted to get the train home. I wasn't going to push it as I didn't overly fancy my date, so just pointed them in the direction of the train station and started my 10 min journey home. The joys of hanging out locally....
As I was walking, I recevied a text from the 23 year old I saw earlier in the week asking what I was up to. It was 2am so she must be drunk somewhere. Hmmm, promising. As I was texting her back, not at lightening speed I must say due to my inebriated state, my phone started ringing. It was the air stewardess. I answered and she told me she'd had a row with her friend and they now had gone their seperate ways and she'd get a taxi to mine. Girls. What a great 2 minutes I was having though....
I gave her the address and put the phone down with a wry smile. I had to delete the half text I was sending the 23 year old now. I thought I'd text her tomorrow and just prentend I'd been asleep.
So the stewardess turned up shortly after I'd got back and we pretty much got straight down to business. I set the ipod to my Justin Timberlake playlist and was ready ready to go..
I'd say I'm fairly giving in the bedroom and it excites me knowing the girl I'm with is enjoying her experience back at my ranch. So this in mind as I expertly pinged her bra off after a 30 second fumble, I was ready to go downstaris...
After a little bit of kissing the neck, upper body and nipple areas to the sound of Cry Me A River, my hands slowly started removing her knickers. At the time it felt like my touch was a gentle as a summer breeze, but in reality it was probably like two shovels digging into her hips....
I was a bit taken aback by the size of these bloody things - doesn't everyone put on their best underwear on a night out just incase things go to plan?. She clearly hadn't thought this through or she has a horrendeous fetish for granny style undies. Then after this unpleasant suprise, I was faced with an extremely disheveled pussy. Back in the 80's this was acceptable as people didn't know any different, but big hairy beasts should be a thing of the past. I'm not burying my head in that, so it was back to the upper body.....
We ended up having sex for a while, but I really wasn't feeling it. I couldn't get over the site of the Beast. I was really just going through the motions and was happy once it was all over.
In the morning we had some idle chat chat and she was a nice girl, but was glad when I'd walked her to the bus stop and waved her out of sight.I spent all day yesterday nursing a horrendeous hangover then in the evening received a text from my hairy friend. She asked if I had come onto her friend in the bar, as this is what her mate had told her. I was still in a bit of a haze and I knew I wasn't going to see her again, so text back with the line "Don't hate the player, hate the game". What a tw*t, but I am chuckling to myself as I write this.
That is the last I'll be hearing from her. I'd like to tell her that she needs to "smarten up" as it were if she has any chance of keeping a guy interested, but thats for her to figure out.
So a British Airways and Virgin stewardess in the same week. I'm starting to enjoy this internet dating lark......
I've always come in for a fair amount of stick from friends when it comes to previous girlfriends. I've tended to date girls a fair bit younger than me and last night hammered home the point as to why....
We met in a bar after work 5 minutes walk from my flat as she works locally. She was very bubbly from the moment we started talking and although it was clear we weren't there to solve issues on the global economic crisis, it was refreshing to chat to someone whom it clearly didn't have any impact on in these depressing times. She had graduated the previous year and was now in the fashion industry which she clearly had a massive passion for. She still lived with her mum, which obviously made me feel even older as I haven't been residing with either parent for almost 17 years now....
My wide knowledge of inane celebrity gossip was put to good use and those hours of watching E! channel on Sky were finally paying for themselves. From Zac Efron's alleged date with Megan Fox, to who I've sided with in the Katie and Peter split, I was just on a roll.....
We moved onto a cocktail bar and the chat remained at the same level all night. At one point as we were discussing the film Confessions of A Shopoholic (I haven't seen it but viewed trailors and read sufficient reviews to hold my own on the topic) I couldn't help but wonder what the boys would make of all this......but you know what, it was a lovely, light hearted distraction from reality and I had a great evening.
There were no awkward, pressure questions that I have had before, no probing remarks about if we either had any other dates lined up, just lowbrow, amusing conversation. At the end of the evening I walked her to the train station, gave her a peck on the check and told her to call me when she got to her car at the other end. That was more of a parental act, but there was definately some chemistry there and we will meet again.....after I've purchased next weeks copy of Hello.....
So the air stewardess drove down to me last night after flying in from Johannesburg. I knew she would be staying over so that put me in good spirits all day.
We cracked open a bottle of wine at mine then headed out to eat at my local tapas restaurant. Over the years, this place has seen me entertain a high volume of unwitting young females and unfortunately there is a low turnover of staff, so a smile cracks open on nearly everyone's face as I walk in with a new edition....
Slightly veering off of the subject, have you ever wondered if air stewardesses get to sleep on the long haul flights? I had no idea at the tail of a plane is sleeping quarters for the staff, generally with bunk beds in. Fact......
Anyway, we sat down to a nice meal and a couple of bottles of wine, with some good conversation. Towards the end of the meal she then asked me if I was dating anyone else. Now, if you have read my previous blogs, I'm fearful of answering this one. They say honesty is the best policy, but it doesn't apply here. You have to make a girl feel special, so she needs to know she is the only one. I told her no, but I have a date tonight with a 23 year old and another with a Virgin air stewardess on friday. I don't like lying, but I think on a second date its a bit of an awkward question. Say it after 5 or 6 dates when you have got to know each other a little better, but its too much of a pressure question half way through the second meeting. I stumbled off of the subject quickly enough and we headed to perch ourselves at the bar.
We hear the stories about what these girls and the pilots are like when they are away and she is definately a stand up case. She certainly can drink and by about 11, she was practically dragging me out of the bar to get me home. I feel that it wasn't the first time she'd done this, but hey, who am I to judge.
Once again we saw the night through till the sun was rising, or the grey clouds in this case. She was having a new kitchen fitted today so shot off early again which I was more than happy with. I managed to get a few more hours sleep and suprisngly don't feel too bad today.
As I said, I have a date with a 23 year old tonight. I'm 33 now, so not quite sure what we'll have in common although I'm quite good with celeb gossip, so if there are any silences, I ll bring up Katie and Peter's split. Any thoughts on a 10 year age gap - is that too much? I'll know this time tomorrow....
I knew I'd meet some strange ones along the way, but last night must top the bill or I'll give up...
So as planned, I met my friends up in Covent Garden after work. As the years slip by, so does the alcohol tolerance. By 8 or 9 we were all well oiled and in good spirits. Lucy rang me to say her and her friends were in a bar just around the corner, so we all met up. We all had a laugh and everything was going fine, or so I thought, so we moved onto a cheesy club that we used to frequent in our younger years. Her friends wanted to go onto somewhere a bit more trendy, so they went off leaving Lucy to join us.
We had been in the club about an hour when there was a commotion behind me by the bar. As I looked down, I saw Lucy on the floor. I quickly told the bar staff to get the bouncers and I tried to get a response out of her. She came round pretty quickly and with the help of the bouncers we got her out the club, but had left her coat inside. I sat her down on the pavement and asked if she was alright. " Why don't you show me any attention when we're out?" she replied.
I was drunk, but had a fair idea what that episode was all about. "Did you just collapse to get attention?" I enquired. Then she started crying...I'm no good in situations like this. I felt a bit sorry for her, but to me that shows massive signs of insanity. I wanted to just put her in a cab home, but she was in a state, so I went back inside to get her coat, then we got a taxi to mine. My mates asked if she was ok when I went back in, but I couldnt bring myself to say what had really happened. I'll leve that till tomorrow.
Through the tears she kept saying sorry, but I was half annoyed and half scared. I'd have to sleep with one eye open with this nutjob next to me.
As soon as we got in she went to bed and fell asleep and I stayed on the sofa - it wasn't worth the risk.
This morning I had "the chat". I don't like face to face confrontation and normally wait till a girl gets sick of me, which generally doesn't take too long, but this was a whole new ball game. My ex was not the full ticket so I've just had a year of this type of behaviour and I'm sure not going through it again. I sat her down on the sofa and just said we should go our seperate ways. She took it suprisingly well, so well infact I thought I'd made a mistake by the time she left. Actually, no way. Normal people don't act like her last night. She obvioulsy has issues and good luck to her sorting them out, but I'm not the rock to lean on. I'm just back into this dating game and not ready to be wrapped up in girls problems so quickly.
My friends have had a good giggle at the whole scenario, but I quickly reminded them that I have another date on tuesday with an air stewardess. Lets hope that goes slightly better....
I've been busy with work this week so haven't been out. I've had a fair few texts with the air stewardess and we ll be meeting up next week once she's back from her second trip this week.
I'm out with the boys in covent garden tomorrow. We're starting early so should be a messy one. Lucy is up town with some of her friends so I've said we could all potentially meet up, but have warned it could go the same way as last time. She said she's fine with that, but we'll see.
Weirdly, the hippy chick text me to see if I fancy meeting up again. HELLO. were we on the same date? not sure we were even on the same planet. I just haven't answered. I look at it from my point of view - would I rather be text saying no I don't want to meet again or no answer - and I think the latter is a smaller blow to the confidence. Thats how I justify it anyway.
So another phone call went into my business partner this morning. As I opened my puffed up eyes at around 11.30am, I knew there was no chance of my leaving my flat today....
I met the air stewardess at 6pm last night at a bar close to mine. As I said, she had driven up from Windsor so not sure what was going to occur.
Soon after we met there was clearly an attraction and the conversation was good. After an hour or so my dilema was to be foward and say if she fancies drinking, she can park the car at mine and stay over, me sleeping on the sofa of course or just play it out and see what happens. I went for the former telling her of a lively 2 for 1 cocktail evening on sundays at a local bar. She took the bait and my smile nearly turned to a childish giggle. She told me she had a flight at 11am the next morning so would have to leave very early. It just kept getting better...
We headed back to mine to drop her car off and as I opened up the gates to the flats I live in, one of the other lads that lives in the block was wandering about in the communal area. A few of us play football together so know one another well enough. As I ushered my date into a parking space, I asked what he was up to. Wrong move. He had just found out his best mate had been sleeping with his girlfriend of 2 years..Talk about awkward. Like I said, we know each other, but not that well. I was smiling like a Premiership footballer about to sign a new contract and he'd just blurted this out. Wish I hadn't asked.
As my date got out of her car, I invited him out with us - I had to really, but luckily he declined. Without sounding too harsh, thank f*ck. I was just about to get an air stewardess liquored up and who is staying at mine, I don't need her spending the night giving him advice. Its every man for himself in this situation....
Anyway, as he headed back up to his flat with an evident tear in his eye, I was also nearly brought to tears.....2 for 1 cocktails all night and a chance of sex with a hot stewardess. All on the sabbeth day. Hallelujah..
We started going through the cocktail menu at a fair pace. The bar was lively as it always is on sundays, playing 80's music to liven the spirits. We shared a little kiss early on and there was a whole lot of flirting evident. I knew it was in the bag, so on my next trip to the bar, I even stopped off for a little boogie to a Wham! number. I was just showboating now....
We ended up going through most of the menu, with a few shots chucked in for good measure and left the bar around 1am, really hammered. Strangely, I'm a good performer in the bedroom when totally wasted. On drugs, I've got more chance of scaling Everest than getting my little fella to work, but while drunk, I'm like Ron Jeremy..
We ended up having sex till sunlight was coming up, then I passed out till I came around at 11.30ish. She had left and I got up still very drunk, so her drive home couldnt have been pleasant. I checked my phone and she had left a message thanking me for a great evening and that she wasn't looking foward to her 10 hour flight to Denver. Ouch. I struggled to make it to my sofa, so a trip across the pond wouldnt have been fun.
I will definately be seeing her again. Got on really well and we had good sex. Not a bad combo. I've done no work today. My business partner should be getting irritated by my no shows, but he's loving the stroies which helps.
|