I’ve fallen in love. I’m sure some may wonder how that is even possible considering I have a heart of stone but it has finally happened. He’s a wonderful man and his name is Michael. We’ve actually been seeing each other off and on for a few years now but this time I think it’s for real. You may have heard of him. He owns a craft store? Ring any bells?

I realize I didn’t meet him off of the internet but he does have a very extensive online presence so I could have. And I didn’t have to pay an exurbanite amount of money to find him on Match.com or Eharmony either. It was truly fate. I was driving by one day and our eyes locked. It was pure magic.

First off, he’s huge! Being the size queen I am this makes for a very happy woman. He always smells nice and he’s never boring. I’m never forced to ask the dreaded question “what do you want to do?” He anticipates my needs and desires and makes sure that if I need anything, it is already there and waiting. We have the same things in common so we are never bored. He’s dependable and always there when I need him. Once he’s settled in one place he’s guaranteed to remain there for many, many years.

The only major drawback I see in this relationship is that he’s seeing other women. I don’t typically agree with sharing my man but he has been open and honest about it from the get go. As long as I can agree to this open relationship things will be fine. It may take a little getting used to but as long as I can have my Pool Boy on the side I’m willing to give it a shot. He’s also not much of a night owl but I can spend every minute of every waking day with him. Between the hours of 9am and 9pm, excluding Christmas and Easter, of course.
So, that’s it. My search is over. Never again will I need to scour the dredges of the internet dating cesspool only to find that I’ve set up a date with a man who has an unrealistic self image and an obvious Napoleon Complex.