1. I can, in fact, type quite well while intoxicated.
2. Just because you think jerking off on your webcam to be a romantic gesture, I myself do not.
3. There is no quicker way to kill a man’s premature dirty talk than mentioning your period. Trust me when I tell you I detest your sedgeway from my work day to my favorite sexual position in one sentence flat as much as you hate me talking about bleeding from my loins. So, if you don’t want me talking about granny panties, 18 Hour Bras and Tampax don’t ask me if my nipples were hard while I was working on payroll for 39 fucktards.
4. Just because you have the uncanny talent of being able to Instant Message and Email with 15 different people does not make you a “playa”.
5. Sure, it's entirely plausible that you're just too busy in your life to go out and meet people in person yet still be able to IM for five hours straight every evening.
6. There are 10,0001 books and articles about “meeting the one” and maximizing your chances of meeting people online when all it boils down to is common sense and logic. There is no “secret” to online dating success. It’s a numbers game and I don’t consider being honest, posting recent pictures and meeting in public places as “secrets”.
7. Putting words like “Hot”, “Sexy” and “The” will attract perverts and men looking to get their rocks off.
8. If I had starting charging a nickel, no wait, a penny for every time a man decided it was a good idea to send me a picture of his junk Visa and MasterCard would finally get off my back.
9. “I’m looking for a serious relationship” is code for “I’m going to tell you that I love you on the first date and then try to fuck you without a condom”.
10. Everybody loves their jobs…except me.
11. There are two constants when it comes to online dating. 1) Women lie about their weight and 2) Men lie about their height. Add 20 lbs and subtract two inches.
12. No matter how many pictures you have posted the person you are talking to will inevitably ask for more. Even if they only have one or two posted themselves to your nine.
13. Everybody “likes to have fun”, “looks better in person” and “enjoy going out as much as staying in”.
14. Let me guess, you've never done anything like this before...