…I would. Twice.

This morning I woke up with the stark realization that I was all alone and there are only two episodes of my beloved “True Blood” left on HBO. I’m not sure which upset me the most. Unfortunately, HBO has yet to consult with me in regards to their show line-up and when they should be allowed to take a hiatus. I seem to have even less control over my downwardly spiraling love life.

Why am I so excruciatingly cheerful today? I’m glad you asked. Let’s backtrack two days…

Wouldn’t it just figure that within hours of deleting Nigeria #2 from my Facebook he would once again intrude into my already desperate life. Considering he has well over 300 friends I hardly thought he would notice. Whether or not he really had remains to be seen. All I know is that this is my life and therefore I’m not entirely surprised at his timing. I just didn’t feel like being constantly updated on his work ventures and all the reasons as to why he just didn’t have time for me.

Minding my own business and enjoying my self induced isolation I turned on a Dateline rerun and busted out my knitting. I can party like a rockstar and fuck like a pornstar but when all is said and done I’m really just a nerd…with a great rack.

My phone buzzed alerting me that I had a new text message. I went to check it and there it was…“What’s up Melissa?” Who knew that such an innocent question could piss me off so much? Never mind that his text was about 2 weeks late and he spelled my name wrong.

Me: Hey N2
N2: What’s up?
Me: Not much. U?
N2: Very busy, took time off this weekend but still worked a bit. I wanna start traveling more,
Me: Traveling is good. Gives u a chance to regroup
N2: How’s dating?
Me: Fine, I guess
N2: I’ve stopped trying to date. I figure things will happen when it happens.
Me: Good for you
N2: Thank you lol

After his last text I didn’t bother responding. He was clearly fishing and I wasn’t biting. Here was a guy that had fucked me twice, told me that my biological clock was about to start ticking and then left me high and dry with the old “I’m just too busy with work” excuse.

The only thing I got out of that experience was a cup of coffee and a bruised ego. He wasn’t even good enough in bed for me to keep as a booty call just for the sake of being local. Listen, if I’m going screw just for the sake of screwing I have plenty of other assholes in my arsenal with bigger cocks to hit up.

It really is such a shame because I could’ve seen myself liking this guy. Despite his knack for telling time he did seem to have a decent head on his shoulders and the most amazing upper body allowed by law. He was complimentary and seemed to be a rising star in his new business venture. He had even indicated that we were looking for the same things in terms of relationship and family. But I fucked him, he fucked up and it was time to move on. Perhaps, if he had just been honest with me from the beginning I would still be interested in keeping him around.

But the story doesn’t end there. Three hours later…

N2: Hey, what you doing tonight?
Me: (NOT seeing you!) I’m not feeling well so I plan on staying in bed.
N2: K. Get better
Me: Thanks.

And the next day:

N2: Wanna come over later?

What was it with this guy? Could he smell my desperation? Am I in heat? That’s the only reason I could see for this dog to come sniffing around again. Did I take the bait? Hell yeah, I did. Hey everybody, look at me! I’m the girl that can talk a lot of shit but what it all boils down to is that sometimes I need to feel wanted.

I dragged my pathetic ass over to his place like a wounded puppy. Once there, we chit chatted for a little bit. None of which held any interest for me. I have also yet to open up to him about my current situation in regards to money and work. In his presence I just want him to shut up and get naked. Funny how I can let this man see me in the buff but I can’t bring myself to let him know how fragile my psyche is at the moment. I’m not about to explain to him how I feel that if I walk too hard my whole world is going to come crashing in on itself.

He finally shut the hell up and we got down to business. I was ready to leave when he started asking me questions. “Are you working?” “Have you thought about going back to school?” “Have you checked Starbucks?” The last time I was there he told me I needed to start thinking about having babies and now he was suggesting I go sling coffee? He started off making suggestions on how I could better my situation like I was some retard that hadn’t thought of them yet myself. For some reason, I didn’t quite feel like explaining myself to him anymore. He started to drift off and I got up and got dressed. When I knelt down beside him on the bed to say I was leaving he looked startled.

N2: You’re leaving? I thought you were going to stay the night?
Me: I never said I was going to stay.
N2: Oh, I see. You just come and use me for sex (smirking). You show up at midnight, sleep with me and then leave. There aren’t that many of us out there.
Me: Oh, there are plenty of you out there.

I locked his door on my way out and headed home. Suddenly more depressed than I was before I got there. When I woke up this morning and realized that I was alone and hadn’t taken him up on his invitation to stay I was devastated. I was somewhat surprised by this feeling as I actually hate sharing my bed. I’ve gotten so used to sleeping alone that when my personal space is impeded upon I get restless and have a hard time sleeping. Or maybe my choice of bedfellows lately hasn’t exactly been worthy of staying over.

I think I’m gonna swear off men for a little while…