Continuing on in my journey to spread misery to those that take the time to read my shit, I promise not to disappoint today.

Think back to January of this year, if you will. It was a new year, I was employed and I was screwing a personal trainer. Sure, my job was unfulfilling but at least my car payments were up to date and I wasn’t in constant hiding from my roommate during the first of the month.

I gave up on making New Year’s resolutions long ago but deep down I just knew that this was to be my year. The year where I would not only succeed in all endeavors but flourish. I had made up my mind to focus on bringing out and working on all the creative passions I had for so long kept hidden and hopefully find a mate in the process. Now that I think about it that does sound sort of resolution-ish.

I felt good and I had the Chinese on my side to back it up. I just needed to get to January 26th and all my worldly dreams would be mine for the taking. Take a look at what the Chinese had to say about my 2009 (keep in mind, I was born in 1977 making me a Snake). I have highlighted my favorite parts…:

"Snakes are the Ox’s best friends and vice versa. You are both slow and deliberate and your energies similar. So this coming Ox year for Snakes will be beneficial, productive and personally valuable. You will be back in your native groove and enjoying the type of languid mood in which you always concoct your best schemes and are able to carry off projects that needed finishing or topping up. Last year really slowed your progress to a slithery crawl. But the Ox appreciates your quiet sense of esthetics and is always there to help you realize your dreams. Love is back too. You’ll be feeling more romantically intense than you have been in awhile. Reason? Some of your money and chronic health troubles are behind you. Do remember though that the Ox is a demanding old character and does not tolerate a lazybones. One has to show a willingness and an ability to labor under duress in Ox years and even though the Ox favors you and considers you his pet, you will still have to put your pretty little nose to the grindstone and get cracking on projects and problems left undone in previous (less benevolent) years.

If a bird flies into your house, do you panic and think someone will die? If you step on a crack do you still believe your will break your mother's back? If you break a mirror, are you certain you will have to endure seven years bad luck? If you reply is yes to any of the above, then you are afflicted with superstition. Of course it isn't terminal and cannot be treated with antivirals or antibiotics. But an excess of superstition often besieges the psyches of Snake people and causes them excessive worry. You are given to other worldly experiences. Sometimes you actually know about things before they happen. This year that quality may spook you and make you more fidgety than usual. Snakes need a spiritual outlet. When they don't have one, their subconscious works overtime. This year, get your mojo working in some sort of spiritual way - religion, metaphysics, mediation or chanting etc. - just so your conscious mind can focus on making a living.

The Ox wants to see you happy. He or she is your best friend and biggest booster. You're on the same wave length. But you are more beautiful. Oxen are more useful. If you must fall in love this year, you might want to choose an Ox partner. Oxen are going places for the next 12 years. An Ox spouse would be a real asset for a luxury hungry Snake person."

Okay????? So, what the fuck happened? This year has been anything BUT hopeful and positive. If anything, I’m wondering if this was supposed to be a good year God help me when it’s not.

So here I go. I’m ready to unleash...

Since my “New Year” began I have been laid off twice. Unfortunately, I was being paid under the table at both places so I’m not eligible for unemployment benefits. Even though I have paid into them for the 12 years prior to this past year. I’ve applied to every job under the son and still have gotten less than a handful of responses. It was brought to my attention (by someone trying to be helpful) that the clerical field was oversaturated with people looking for work. Basically, meaning that anyone hiring for simple data entry up to an Executive Assistant position has their pick of the crop. I’m not lying when I’ve seen job listings requesting a Bachelor’s Degree, some overtime and a laundry list of expectations and responsibilities for $9 an hour. I don’t know about you but that doesn’t say much about wasting my time getting a degree if that’s what I have to look forward to. Now remember, I don’t have a degree so I’m pretty much fucked. My friend, Mr. Obvious, suggested I broaden my horizons. Great. In theory. Where should I broaden to? All I’ve ever done was administrative. So, you tell me where I can apply and hopefully make more than $10/hr in a new field with no experience and I will personally hand deliver my resume. Until then, shut the fuck up.

My next gripe. I did finally get a call back earlier this week in regards to a job. I interviewed and nailed it with my sparkling personality. The hourly wage was not agreed upon during the interview but she was well aware of what I had been making and my experience level. She verified my references and called me the next day to offer me the position. I was ecstatic. Until she told me what I would be making. With excitement in her voice she told me that she would be paying me $11 an hour like she was doing me some goddamn favor. But, a job is a job and I’m desperate so I told her I’d see her Monday.

Here’s my dilemma. This job is not quite full time as she had led me to initially believe. It is, in fact, only 32.5 hours a week. At $11/hr I’m looking at $357.50 a week take home since she also wants to start me out “under the table” during my FOUR month probation period.

Next, this job is over an hour away, one way, during rush hour. I’m easily looking at roughly 12 hours sitting in traffic every week. This I was aware of when I applied for the job and would gladly do…IF I WOULD BE MAKING MORE THAN $357 A WEEK! Basically, due to the location, you can subtract about $50 right off the top for gas alone.

Now, how the hell am I supposed to look for another job, let alone interview if I’m spending everyday either sitting in traffic or working for Ms. Generosity? By trying to make some green I’m actually putting myself in the red. For $1200 a month, I’m supposed to pay rent, car payment, car insurance (already in the red at this point), phone, cable and food. I haven’t even added in shampoo/conditioner, toothpaste, or paying back any of the friends with a dollar to share back. Fuck birthdays, anniversary’s and tampons because I won’t be able to afford them.

As if that wasn’t bad enough. By me taking this job I would have to flake on a friend of mine that was going to pay me to help her work a convention in Las Vegas during the first week of September. For $357, I’m giving up a free trip to Vegas and the $500 she was going to pay me AND leave one of my best friends high and dry when she needed me the most. I’m letting down a friend and losing $143 in the process.

I actually feel worse after getting this job offer than I did before I had interviewed. I feel deeply insulted. At this point, I’m angry at everyone.

Another helpful friend of mine wrote “Just think of those without a job. I’ll keep you in my prayers”. Oh really? Great. I’ll keep them in mind when I am sleeping on my dads couch because even though I will be working full time I can’t pay my damn rent. Guess what? I don’t give a flying fuck about other people struggling right now. Just as I’m sure they could care less about me. Right now I’m my only concern. And correct me if I’m wrong, but if I’m working my ass off everyday then why am I sleeping on a couch in somebody else’s home. If I’m forced to crash in somebody else’s house then I’m not working full time, hours away for some cunt that refuses to pay me what I’m worth.

My love life is fairing about the same as my professional life but I’ll save that bitch for another day. Until then I just want you all to know that the Chinese are a bunch of fucking liars. So there, I’m now a fucking racist too.

Have a great day ya’ll!