TB Anyone 11/09/2009
I’m happy to report that I may have picked up a job…FINALLY. It’s a part time job, but a job none the less. Thanks to Mr. Creepy High School Science Teacher Guy. He runs a program that tutors underprivileged children. So, as excited as I am to finally get a chance to make a couple of bucks, there’s one glaring problem. The job includes tutoring children. Oh well, say la vie. In order to begin my new adventure I was informed that I would need to take a TB test and a Livescan (fingerprinting) before starting. Imagine my surprise and dismay at hearing this news. I mean, who has TB anymore? Really? Naturally, I don’t have health insurance so Mr. Creepy’s secretary referred me to a free clinic that could take care of this for me. She also took pity on me and sent me the $20 it would take to get the fingerprinting done. Sounds easy enough, right? Wrong. Text Convo to my best bud: Me: I have 1/8th tank of gas and $14. I still have to ship that scarf AND drive to Glendale for the TB testing and Livescan AND drive to training for the tutoring in San Fernando tomorrow. Me: AND they only sent me $20 for the Livescan. The one they want costs $25. So basically now I have 1/8th tank of gas and $9. Awesome. B: Your shot 4 TB is free rite??? It’s never ending, huh? Me: Yes. Well, I’m off. Gonna do as much as I can b4 running out of money. Just pray that I don’t have to pay for parking anywhere! B: Good luck! 15 minutes later… Me: Apparently 1/8th was being generous. My car is on E sitting in traffic. Great. 10 minutes later… Me: I’m using my laundry coins for parking. I hate Glendale. I’d rather have herpes than come to this shithole. B: Do u ever use coins 2 put gas in the car? Me: I’m parked a block away so I didn’t have to park in the garage and my flip flops have a hole in the heel. I can’t even afford a $2 pair of flip flops! 20 minutes later… Me: Damn. I’m done with the fingerprinting but can’t hit the clinic for another hour. Ugh. Me: I am parked in front of the Glendale PD. Guess I could just wait here and pray for a cute cop to walk by. B: U got a license? And insurance? B careful! Me: I’ve got insurance. License is questionable. My reg is expired tho B: Geesh! Hang in there One hour later in the free clinic parking lot… Me: I guess I’m not the only one struggling. The car next to me has a screwdriver shoved in the door to open it. Me: Ok, I’m off to be ghetto fabulous in this back alley free clinic! Ego…bye bye! B: B careful! 5 minutes later… Me: OMG! This is sooooo ghetto! Me: If I didn’t have the swine flu virus b4 now I’m sure I’m going to be leaving with it Me: And I’m going to be here a while. This fucking sucks B: People sick in there? Gross! Me: Oh gawd! I’ve heard 2 sneezes. I’m gonna die B: Ugh, don’t touch anything! Me: I’m. Not. Happy. AT ALL! Me: A guy just walked in with a mask on coughing. I can’t believe I’m here. I’m not even sick! But I will be after this shit. I’m pissed! Me: Get me the fuck out of here! That’s it…my last 9 dollars r going towards a pack of cigarettes B: U ran? Me: No, I’m sure I’m already infected with the death virus. I want to run tho. B: Haha, I don’t blame you! Me: I’m seriously fucking grossed out. And the worst part? That I have to come back in 2 days to get the results. Me: Doesn’t being positive for the swine flu negate the fact that I’m going to be negative for TB? Just wondering… B: Good point Me: I think I’m already getting a headache! It worked fast! I’m already dying! Me: Somebody just sneezed then somebody burped. Fucking gross!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! B: Ok, you’re making me laugh. Please stop! I’m bustin up! HAHA Me: OMG! If these bitches mispronounce my name I’m killing somebody… Me: Great, I just got scoped by the fucking masked sick man Me: Oh, I’m up! BRB 10 minutes later... Me: All they did was take my blood pressure. I told them I was perfectly healthy…for NOW. Some bitch tried to tape me! B: Tape you? Me: Looks like they are doing some documentary. She asked if they could tape taking my blood pressure. I told them no. I didn’t come here to be a star. Me: I think I have lice now Me: And the flesh eating virus B: Ummmmm, not fun Me: Ms. Documentary is killing me B: Why? Me: Bcuz now her perky ass is back in the waiting room with me asking if she can talk to people on camera Me: This is truly ridiculous. My body is being infiltrated by germs. I can feel it! B: I bet! Is it crowded? Me: About 50 people. Me: Have you ever noticed you never see good looking people in places like this? I’m too fucking pretty to be here damnit! B: U r rite! U shouldn’t be there! Me: Oh! My turn again! I’ll keep you posted! 5 minutes later… Me: OMG! Spielberg is back! She’s following me, I just know it! OMG AGAIN! The doc says that he may not be able to give me the TB test…he’s checking with somebody else… B: Good luck with that 2 minutes later… Me: U r gonna love this. They don’t test for TB here. Mr. Creepy’s secretary is the one who sent me here! 2 hours and the swine flu later… B: Lice and flesh eating disease 2 Me: I’m fucking livid B: O I’m sure Me: u know, I could have gotten a livescan done 2 blocks from my house but I went to Glendale cuz that’s where the clinic was. I wasted my time, gas and money. Fuck! Me: and now I’m probably infected with God knows what. I don’t know if I should cry or stab somebody. Let me be clear here. I did tell the incompetent idiots at the clinic why I was there WHEN I got there. But apparently, they felt it necessary to wait until I was fully saturated with the pig bug before looking at me blankly in the eye and referring me out to another clinic. Which, at that time of evening was closed. So yes, another trip to beautiful Glendale was in my future. The next day… As if the back alley free clinic wasn’t bad enough, the place I was referred to was an STD clinic and the TB test would cost me $5. Considering I had $9 left to my name and no gas, they may as well have told me the test ran $500. But I tried to look at the bigger picture. I made my way back down to Glendale and…wait for it…wait for it…got turned away. They already had their quota of diseased folk for the day waiting to see the doc. Soooooo, not only did I catch the deathbug and headlice from the free clinic the night before but now I probably have syphilis too. Fuck you very much. But all is not lost. I talked to Mr. Creepy and told him I would NOT be going back to STD Central. He offered to pay for me to see a private doctor and get the testing done there. I called and my appointment is two days from now. Word. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ On a completely unrelated note, I have three dating disaster…ah er…potentials I’ve been working on since last week. I’ll keep you posted… Comments Comments are closed. |