The Poet 05/20/2010
I’m going to let you guys in on a little secret. I’m kind of a smart ass. I know that may be hard to believe but it’s true. Don’t worry, I’ve come to terms with it and no amount of therapy or vodka is going to change that. That being said, I’m also not what you would consider a “romantic”. Slow songs during Karaoke make me uncomfortable and American Idol makes me laugh. I find appreciating art difficult and I certainly have a hard time getting into poetry. This probably makes me sound like one of them there uncultured folks but I’d literally rather spend my time organizing my sock drawer or removing my wisdom teeth with a plastic spork and a straw. If you feel like hanging with me and a bottle of tequila while skinny dipping in the middle of the night, cool. That’s more my style. If you want to discuss the importance of SNL’s Tina Tina Chanuseand why you shouldn’t have a boring doorbell, that’s even better. Yeah, I’m classy like that. So, when I received this email from The Poet, I rolled my eyes so hard they almost got stuck in the back of my head. Left my heart looking in the mirror, I knew I was losing it all.A glass of vodka, without the cranberry, yes it was a bad week.Look at the guy sleeping on the ground, what a joke.Wait thats me, but I showered like a rich guy; with water that sprouted from the wall.The clouds cover the sun again, and its hard to see but this fool isstill wearing sunglasses at 8 o clock at night.I love it when they laugh and I make everyone's night, but I belongto the night, to the streets of the night.Where are you headed ? well I just ask cause I stay in Santa Monicaright next to the nice hotel, I didn't live or work there but kinda liked it when the lady asked me if I could park her car. At least I think this was an attempt at poetry. And if it isn’t, I’m REALLY confused. He had me at vodka. He lost me at the comma following. I’m still of the belief that if it doesn’t rhyme it isn’t really a poem. I’m more of a “Roses are red, Violets are blue. I can’t write poetry and neither can you” kind of gal. In his defense, he did catch my attention. However, probably not for the reasons he was hoping for. His profile listed his profession as “Writer”. He’s 33 years old, looking for “Friends”, has never been married (surprise, surprise), has no kids and only has one picture posted. With sunglasses on. Hemingway’s Profile: Love to play poker and shoot pool. Like a woman that can sing so I can relax and enjoy your voice. I am a writer and when I become big I wanna help animals and people who live in poverty. I would like to get to know someone so I can take them to vegas. First Date: coffee. coffee. coffee. If that’s not one of the lamest attempts at trying to woo a woman than I don’t know what is. This guy must be a real hit at dinner parties. I suppose I should give him kudos for wanting to save the earth and all its unfortunate inhabitants but there’s just something about him that makes me want to vomit. Considering that he states he’s a writer, I also would have assumed he’d have given a little more thought to his profile. A dating profile is a perfect opportunity to showcase one’s talents (especially if you are indeed a writer) and is the closest thing to a first impression one can make on the internet. He clearly doesn’t believe in spell check and considering he didn’t take this opportunity to stand out from the rest, I find him to be somewhat of a fraud. If this guy is actually making a living off of his writing, then I give up. I guess I just can’t compete with such raw and uninhibited talent. I certainly shouldn’t write him back for fear that I won’t be able to live up to his expectations and amazing ability to put the written word onto paper. To make the long story short, I won’t be going out with Robert Frost anytime soon. Comments Comments are closed. |