33 years old; single; mechanic; common sense above intellect; rough and ready; cheeky character; practical; possibly one of the lads
The Date
Drink in a beer garden. Mr Tourettes arrives straight from work. He has boy-ish good looks, is physically fit and quite muscular looking. He is wearing overalls and has very oily and dirty hands I notice and a baseball cap, bad hair day I ponder? Let's just say Mr Tourettes is not one who dresses to impress me thinks! So he gets himself a pint, offers me the same, I politely decline and go for a soft drink (Do I look like a pint drinker, I think not!) Conversation does not flow. We don't have much in common, unless of course if I want to talk car engines or how many pints of lager him and his mates managed to stack away last weekend before vomiting and then starting again! However, there is something that suddenly dawns on me, he just does not stop swearing. I mean it is incessant! Every bloody, sodding, frigging, freaking, f**king, sh**ting, sentence is filled with expletives! Now I'm no prude and believe you me I can swear with the best of them, but listening to Mr Tourettes and his poor use of the English and bad language is just mind numbing. Oh boy I so wish I'd brought along my swear box...I could retire on this date alone. So in order to make myself very clear to Mr Tourettes and mirror his style of communication I tell him I've just had unexpected f**king text message, from my bloody Bit** of a friend, whose wan**r of a boyfriend, the Bas***d has upset her, the Ars***le and I need to offer her my comfort and advice in her hour of need. Nice meeting you DICKHEAD! Still searching....

46 years old; MARRIED man; seeking a discreet sexy affair aka arrangement; wife, couple of kids; successful entrepreneur; black porsche turbo; private number plate (should read DICK!); no photo for obvious reasons and some!
Mr Arrangement's Profile
Describing Myself: I am an intelligent, outward going, with straw blonde hair /blue eyes and 6' tall firstly please excuse me if I make a hash of this. I love going to the movies, restaurants, pubs, but also like to stay in and cook a nice meal along with a good bottle of wine and chill. In the Summer I love a long glass of Pimms on a warm evening whilst out with friends Hit all my goals in life now looking for a sexy discreet affair. I enjoy sports playing, travel, good food in hot places. The type of person I am looking for should be able to hold good conversation on most subjects and be good fun to be with I am looking for my lover and best friend. I want to find someone who is compatible, wants what I want and has the energy, attitude and zest for life that I do.
The Date
I was rather taken a back by Mr Arrangement's email communication with me. He loved my profile and pictures and felt so sure I was the ideal candidate for his little arrangement that he is so desperately seeking. He is married and has a family but is missing that certain excitement in his life. His profile claims that he has "met all his life goals". I informed him in no uncertain terms that he was in a mid life crisis and should work on his marriage and that I for one was not that kind of girl. Or am I? I suddenly thought...all in the name of research. He made it quite clear he will never leave his wife of 17 years and claimed to have never been unfaithful until now. He has made the decision to have an affair, well an arrangement, as he likes to call it, with someone who sparks his interest both in and out of the bedroom. I ask him to elaborate Mr Arrangement bluntly explains that he is looking for someone to meet for lunches and spend a few hours in bed passionately making love in the afternoons (yuk...cringe...!) Mmm....I tell him he seems so sure of what he wants and his demands so what's in it for me? A corporate pen and T' shirt? Theatre tickets? Envelope of cash? Where's the mutual benefit I'm thinking? I also inform him that there a plenty of avenues for this type of arrangement that he could explore...prostitutes...escorts...oh no Mr Arrangement couldn't possibly do that he tells me - he needs more...he couldn't just hop into bed with someone he has no connection with. He wants more from his mistress...conversation and compatibility! Mmm...I'm sure he does. So reluctantly I agree to meet him for lunch. I arrive to find Mr Arrangement sat on the bonnet of his Turbo...oh par-lease...this is going to be horrendous! He is, I have to say, ugly, now I like to see the best in everyone but this guy is not a looker! I sense ugly on the inside, ugly on the outside. He is follicley challenged and is the wrong side of athletic and pretty pathetic, grinning like a cheshire cat at me from behind his ridiculous over-sized Rayburns, swaggering over his porsche and jangling his money in his over sized trouser pockets...as I saunter towards him, my butt cheeks clenched, Mr Arrangement whips off his shades and literally undresses me, dribbling at me from head to toe. I now recognise this is a dire scenario that I now need a swift exit from...we walk into the pub and I escape to the ladies to gain composure. And as I catch a glimpse of Mr Arrangement waddling off to the bar smug and arrogant and very married, I think you know what I've seen and heard enough. And you know something as I scarper past the shiny Porsche and away from Mr Arrangement I feel a sense of relief that he's not my husband...or my dad...or my anything...and as I send him a text message to say "Sorry but I know instantly if something will work and this won't" I feel an overwhelming comfort in being single and an even more overwhelming sense of relief that I will never allow myself to be that desperate that I would have to consider any sort of arrangement with a man. Still searching and more carefully than ever...

35 years old; divorced; breakfast radio DJ; struggling with new found singledom and in need of friends and maybe more; thinks he's funny; enthusiastic beyond normality; cheesy with extra cheddar! Does he have just a face for radio, one ponders ahead of the date. Photos on profile are of Mr Breakfast Radio DJ in action behind the mic in the am!!! Since initial contact from him, he has inundated me with texts, pictures of him at work and one liners and jokes...and constantly requested me to send him more photos, a request I have ignored! I may need sedating to get through this one!
The Date
Coffee. Mr Breakfast Radio DJ has a tendency to text me at the very anti-social hour of 5:30am! Er hello?...He does open his text with a "apol" for the early message but still feels compelled to act as my new found alarm clock! You know the sort...yes that's right, the one you hit snooze on several times before throwing it across the bedroom, preferably hitting the wall and smashing it into many little pieces...that's how I already feel about Mr BRDJ! So back to the date. We meet outside a coffee shop. Mr BRDJ looks very excitable, he grinning, well almost gurning at me. He's taller and lankier than his picture portrayed. He looks pretty tired as well...oh and yes he's kitted out in his corporate radio merchandise....he's a walkiong advert for his local radio station! Then he starts, he's obviously been prepping for out little rendezvous because anyone would think we're live on air, as he bamboozles me with a tirade of jokes, quips, and re-counts radio interviews he's been involved in. Each time I try to intercede with some of my contribution to this one way steam train conversation from Mr BRDJ, he astounds me by saying "hold the line caller" he is telling me to hold the line!!! OH MY Goodness this guy is deluded...demented...he is in a constant world of radio jargon..jingles...dubbing...donut...fader....mixer...promo....sweeper...
splice....and then just when I think this date can't get much worse...he comes out with the following...."Don't think I'm looking for a jump...just cos I'm on the radio! I mean I wouldn't say no but I would quite like to find a someone special." At that point...it was time to get the bill and go our very separate ways. However, I couldn't help but tell him I had rush home as I was big fan of radio 2 and Chris Evans the genius radio DJ guru was on shortly....let's just say we were on VERY different wavelengths...still searching....

39 years old; bitter divorce; 1 son; property entrepreneur; porsche driving; hockey playing; breitling loving; potential playboy
Mr Playboy's Profile
I am single and play many sports, polo cricket and hockey. What am I looking for? You should live life as if every day is your last. Love sunsets and sunrises, autumn leaves and snow. Remember I am a man for all seasons. I love the good life, nice holidays abroad. Fine wine and champagne, chemistry is very important and also fun, loving each other, caring and being thoughtful with great depth! So if you are true to yourself, I would love to talk. The door is open! ME. Oh by the way I do just like to relax with a nice glass of wine and a dvd!
The Date
Invitation to sip champagne on Mr PlayBoy's balcony! I arrive to a long winding driveway and electric gates. I press the intercom and start to think this date is potentially high risk and dangerous. However, I have all of his details and my friend knows where I am so what's the worse that could happen? Mr PlayBoy is walking towards me, I feel like a child at Willy Wonkers Factory waiting to be let through the gates to see all the delights! He is better looking than his profile photo, well dressed in chinos and a blue shirt, he has piercing blue eyes and black hair. Stylish. As I enter his grounds, and the chink of the gate closes and locks us in, it sends a slight shiver down my spine and I do wonder if this is bad idea. He walks me along a winding pathway and onto his massive balcony that overlooks a landscaped garden. On the table is a white cloth, candles, 4 bottles of still water. There is music playing, George Michael. He opens the pink champagne and pours it inside. Edging on the side of caution I ask to swap glasses with him when he returns for fear of my drink being spiked. We sit and talk, he seems slightly nervous and quite serious. He tells me about his bitter divorce and his son who he clearly adores. He is proud to show me his hockey programmes and achievements, as well as his expensive watch collection!!! A gadget man; very successful and wealthy and lonely. He seems guarded and hurt. He offers to make supper, salmon and asparagus followed by a strange choice of dessert of peaches and ice-cream! As I sit on Mr PlayBoy's balcony and take in the view, I feel rather sorry for him, this manly figure I can see through the window, he has everything, all the possessions one could ever wish for. But he doesn't have anyone special to share them with. As I leave Mr Playboy he gives me a prolonged hug and I sense how sad he really is about how it's turned out for him. There's talk of a second date, a picnic on a hill he suggests...I'm still searching!

37 years old; single; broker; eligible; loves himself;loves his convertible; loves himself a bit more; loves his 800 emails that arrived this morning because he is so busy and important and it's all about him, his tan, his muscles, his business, HIM HIM HIM!
The Date
Mid morning coffee. Mr I Love Myself arrives in a sky blue convertible Saab. This guy seriously loves himself! He is tanned and muscular, wearing a designer T shirt, shorts and get this socks and designer trainers? Er hello? Everything is labels, the wallet, the watch, the attitude. He tells me how he is a very busy man with a very successful broking business. Do I realise he has had 800 emails just this morning to wade through...I do now, and I still do when he tells me for the third time! So irritating people who harp on about the size of their inbox! Sort your spam out I say buddy! Mr I Love Myself has a hot tub in his garden in Swindon that he is very proud of! The said hot tub has disco lights, a remote control wrapped in plastic, varying seat levels, a TV screen for watching movies and can hold 8 people comfortably! Mr I Love Myself has a monotone communication style...robotic, incessant and so boring! He is going on and on as he sits in the sun and even has his eyes closed for much of the time just loving the sound of his own voice! He tells me that lots of women think he's gay, (because he takes such good care of how he looks) and that's why he's internet dating as he doesn't meet many women when he's out with his friends. Mmm maybe that's because he's too busy kissing his guns and talking about his 800 emails I want to say but feel it inappropriate, plus I can't get a word in anyway. Still searching!

43 years old; divorced; 2 children; hilarious company; very successful Managing Partner of an Investment Firm aka an IFA with 20 years experience and the gift of the gab who has fallen on his feet well and truly; Porsche 911; Charming; Engaging; did I mention HILARIOUS company? Fun; Down to Earth; Well heeled; Passionate; Cheeky; Shoe fetish for sure!!! Favourite colour is red...I didn't know this but luckily wore red killer hells and a red jacket with skinny jeans - BINGO!
The Date
Drinks at Hotel du Vin. Mr Magic rocks up great smile, big hug; instant spark; quirky glasses; stylish linen suit; conversation flows; belly laughing to the point of crying! Mangetout mangetout and yes we do have dinner. Mr Magic knocks his glass of fizz over my leg...more laughter. We are toasting to "US" childish but so much fun : ) chatting to 2 poor unsuspecting ladies next to us; we are on fire! We kiss across the table like teenagers and have one damn fine evening.
Date 2
An afternoon rendezvous for date 2 with Mr Magic..we meet for coffee. Mr Magic is reading I Dare You on arrival...within seconds we are in fits of giggles again. We stroll through the streets and he tells me about the architecture and we talk about nothing and everything! We stumble upon an open house art gallery and gate crash the party. Two people standing side by side, staring at images of birds, flowers, landscapes...sharing the experience. We sit on a bench in Church grounds, I discover that Mr Magic is a deep thinker, responsible and in tune with his children's needs and has an overwhelming desire to ensure they are well rounded, loved and secure. He writes notes to them in the books he reads, so that when he dies and his kids read his books they will have his guidance and presence with them. We end the date over a bottle of red and a pizza, crying with laughter and just enjoying each other's company!
Date 3
Mr Magic arrives to pick me up. Oh boy, he is really something. He just looks cool! I am so flustered which is not like me!!! We go to a restaurant...he sits close and is very tactile and funny and the conversation is over flowing. We have some meaningful debates, he's got me sussed and there's lots of laughter. The restaurant manager is flirting with me at our table! Dear oh dear what is going on...I am wearing red again...maybe there is something about the colour red that draws men in because this guy is making it blatantly obvious, even Mr Magic is laughing at the cheek of it. Mr Magic really knows how to treat a woman. He has the balance just right...tactile but not sleazy, hilarious but not trying too hard, sexy but more into me than himself, he dresses just how a man should dress, jeans, great shoes, white shirt, stylish jacket. The restaurant manager is now creating a cocktail just for me!!! He is out staying his welcome at our table...Mr Magic compliments me alot, he is the type of guy who builds you up, exudes confidence and positivity and I feel as if I'd like him to pick me and put me in his pocket!
Date 4
Brunch! Al fresco brunch with Mr Magic. He rocks up in his suit, as he is going live at noon for a news programme he informs me. No he is not joking, Mr Magic is the real deal. I on the other hand will be mainly sky-plusing it! We sit and chat, at a waterside cafe watching the world and his dog go by. I like Mr Magic's company...there is a connection between us I think...
***I press play with feelings of excitement and eagerness to see Mr Magic on the big screen! Oh my gosh, it's him...it's Mr Magic...he's on the TV!!! Mr Magic looks sexy as, he articulates himself well, he comes across as professional, intelligent, serious, assertive, smart and sharp. He is wearing a yellow tie with his pin stripe power suit and quirky designer glasses with a yellow trim. He looks the business...he is the business...I hope we're in business!

37 years old; Scottish; divorced; 1 child; MuscleMan; 6 ft 4in; Production manager working with rubber (definitely a dark horse given half the chance one suspects); Sensitive and sweet; Smitten..him not me!
Mr Rubber's Profile
This is the hard part! I'm a Scottish guy who's now been living in Wilts for about 18 months. Kinda getting used to the taste of cider and the funny Japanese people who take pictures of stones!! I love my music, live if possible. What am I looking for? Someone who makes me smile and makes me laugh. Someone who will put up with my cooking and my kilt wearing exploits. Someone who can smile in the face of adversity and always be positive. Fit the bill? ...Oh and you have to make a mean coffee...
The Date
Why do MuscleMen drive women's cars more suited to hairdressers? So Mr Muscle arrives squashed into his BMW Z3 - he's 6ft 4in and very broad his head is on the roof for goodness sake and he looks in total discomfort! Almost at contortionist extremes!!! Anyhoo, I enter the vehicle crashing my head on the door frame...grace and elegance personified as always! We go for a drink...I know immediately even the way he holds himself; the way he talks and stares lustfully or lovingly into my eyes he's not for me! Shame as he seems to be a really genuine, kind and lovely chap. How does that work? Us women we want a nice chap and happy ever after and then the bastard radar tunes in. What do women want? What do I want? I know what I don't want and it's Mr Rubber. It's raining outside so to make the date memorable I suggest we drive back with the roof down and get soaked! He's game and we do it...music blaring...2 strangers sitting side by side soaking wet, freezing cold, but it's exciting and exhilarating and it tells me that some people will do anything for someone they fancy, including getting drenched through and having wet car seats for probably days later. It also tells me that it's not what you're doing it's who you're with that's important and for that reason I'm still searching....

Mr Marrieds tend to have no photo (for obvious reasons) these men are chancers, never going to leave their wives or families but happy to betray them for thrills. These men are looking for arrangements; liaisons; mistresses; no strings attached; will lavish gifts; holidays; business trips; never commit to me or you or anyone for that matter. These men are driven by sex and danger; these men are unhappy; insecure; probably not particularly fond of and certainly not respectful of women. These men give other men a BAD name. These men are weak; insincere and pretty pathetic.
No Date Yet - Just Emails!
I have received dozens of emails from Mr Marrieds looking for my company. They are direct and bold; very open and honest about their marital status; ironic really they can be so open and honest with a complete stranger like me; but lie and deceive their wives. I will embark on a date with a Mr Married all in the name of research but I will not enjoy it.
The Date
TBC!

40 years old; single; motor bike fanatic; good email banter; no close up photo (alarm bells should have chimed!!!)
The Date
Mr Penis Extension contacted me on a sunny eve in true spontaneous fashion and offered to drive down in his convertible Jaguar XKR; picture Bridget Jones with Hugh Grant on their weekend to the country and I am not precious about my hair so it's a WIN/WIN option! Sexy wheels, Mr Penis Extension drove like the devil; however on coming down earth from 0-90 in 10 seconds; I see a balding; toothy; stocky; rough looking guy who does absolutely nothing for me. Excuses made and home I go...still searching!!!

49 years old; ex corporate finance lawyer; restaurateur; never married; well travelled; likes his independence; sportsman
The Date
Drinks al fresco then meeting up with his younger friends for a village fair. Mr Mummys Boy was very old fashioned and gentlemanly on arrival. Seemed keen and a big talker, name dropping and not a great listener. Wishing to give him the benefit of the doubt I agreed to join him for dinner. He disappeared for sometime between aperitifs and food being ordered...to move his car apparently...most strange! I did experience mild panic and feelings of utter rejection that he may well have deserted me at the restaurant. However, Mr Mummys Boy returned full of apologies and proceeded to lean over his chair and into my lap as the meal unfolded. The clanger came as he was telling me about his elderly mother....I piped up with my witty banter "Don't tell me you live with your mother..." EXIT stage left...because yes you guessed it, Mr Mummys Boy does! What the F++K? Still searching for a single eligible bachelor, without the extended family in tow!