Mr Kinky
43 years old; divorced; 1 son; successful workaholic; gadget man; proud cricketer; into his community and local profile; a player, quite possibly!
The Date
Drinks and dinner at his house; cigars in the garden; good conversation; nice aga; no lager but fine wine! Thai food and sharing life stories. Claims to be seeking a relationship, more children and a settled family life. However, Mr Kinky it materialises is a little, shall we say over sexed! Likes to get quite graphic in conversation and happy to impart that he likes slapping ones arse and sex every day if possible, not to mention the fantasy of desk sex in his meglomaniac office environment...dear o dear...TAXI quick as you can!

Mr Divorced Divorce Lawyer
45 years old; divorced; Very successful high profile London based lawyer; good looking (in a David Duchovny sort of way!); intelligent; wealthy and generous; witty and cheeky; eligible bachelor.
The First Date
We arrange to meet mid-afternoon at a country retreat for drinks and Mr Divorced Divorce Lawyer suggests if we are still speaking to each other then dinner could follow! I arrive to find Mr DDL sat in the garden reading a historical book and sinking a pint. He had text me ahead of our meeting to say he would very casually dressed. He is wearing a polo shirt and cargo shorts. He seems quite serious and guarded to start with, asks me alot of questions. Then it's my turn...but first Mr DDL disappears and returns with a bottle Veuve Cliquot and strawberries! I discover Mr DDL was married to a lawyer in his firm. He had a one night stand with a legal trainee and his ex wife went off with a barrister! He is very high profile, having recently represented an ex wife of a very well known celebrity chef! He is articulate and sharp and we seem to be getting on well. The more he drinks (which is pretty substantial) the funnier and cheekier he becomes. He is a contradiction. On first appearances, seems a typical public school boy, boarding school, stiff upper lip, up tight and emotionally retarded. However, there is a rebel bursting to get out of Mr DDL. And I am here to facilitate it!!! We go for dinner and have a hoot! Mr DDL does a hilarious impression of Peter Sellers Inspector Clouseau "Does Your Dawg Bite" we are in stitches and crying with laughter!!! We retire to the terrace for night-caps...and end up paddling in the stream and having a water fight...Mr DDL seems elated and free from the conformity of his professional life...his parting words are he can't remember when he last had so much fun in one evening. I ask Mr DDL when he last took a day off work...he can't remember, it's unheard of! So I suggest he takes a day off next week and we'll go and have some fun! He's game.
Date 2
Mr DDL meets me on the platform in London...he is suited and booted and looks the consummate professional and gentleman. We walk to his car and head back to his penthouse as he wants to change and I get the impression he wants to show me his gaff! He has a great place...overlooking the Thames...a massive balcony and all the gadgets and features you would expect a high flying professional living in London to have, including the art darling!!! We go for a few drinks and then head to the theatre. Billy Elliott is outstanding. Mr DDL gets very emotional at one point during the show, which I find quite endearing. We come out on a high, both totally exhilarated and excited by what we've seen and shared. It's off to the Mandarin Oriental for bellinis and banter. Mr DDL pipes up mid conversation that he doesn't think he would be able to keep hold of me...that I would always be looking for the next best thing. I find this mildly offensive and tell him so. He apologises. We get back on track. Next stop Stringfellows...Mr DDL is like a schoolboy in the candyshop! I sit back and watch him spend and spend and spend a little bit more. These girls are like piranhas around Mr DDL they can smell those fifty pound notes! I encourage him to go for a few private dances and he's led away by various scantily clad women like a puppy to the slaughter!!! It's fascinating this place, groups of men, professionals mesmerised by naked flesh, poles, low lighting and gyrating girls, seductive music pounding through the sound system. But I can't help thinking do they not see the emptiness in these girls eyes...the pound signs on their minds and the conveyor belt mentality? I see a very old man who is clearly intoxicated being held up by at least 3 topless dancers and led into the VIP area. His head and wallet are going to hurt in the morning!!! Mr DDL returns, twinkle in his eye. As we head out of the club Mr DDL tells me I am the best fun to go out on the town with and he thinks he could fall in love with me! What he tells me next pulls the rug out from under me feet. He tells me he is leaving for Hong Kong a week on Friday and would I consider going with him! He is very drunk. I am quite surprised that Mr DDL didn't think to tell me about his relocation plans sooner. He tells me he thought I would never have met him if he had. We agree to keep in touch and I wish him well for his Hong Kong adventure. He plans to be there for at least 2 years and anytime I fancy a long haul trip I am most welcome! Still searching...

Mr Fixer
43 years old; man about town; never married; owns a fashion label and is mid launch on an internet dating phenomanen; St Tropez loving; fast car driving; mover and shaker.
Mr Fixer's Profile
Ok I don't know where to start I own my own fashion label which is quite exciting and get to travel all over the world. But with no one to share this with it can be quite boring. I enjoy going out to restaurants around town and also are quite happy to stay in and go for a walk in the park. I love dogs and would love to have one one day, I spend my summer hoildays in St Tropez where I have been going for the last 15 years, I socialize around Chelsea/Knightsbridge where I used to live for a few years. So if you're looking for a smart well dressed man about town and you enjoy being treated like a princess email me. I am looking for someone that it sensitive passionate, attractive, single, romantic.
The Date
Afternoon coffee in South Kensington; I arrive to meet Mr Fixer, who is impeccably dressed complete with his Super Yachts magazine; after much probing and razor sharp questioning Mr Fixer admits his fashion label is actually 1000 factory shirts from Milan than he cannot flog in London for love nor money and he hasn't made a penny from the venture! What's more it materialises that Mr Fixer aka the Talented Mr Ripley; has changed his name 3 times due to financial difficulties and operated under several aliases. EXIT STAGE LEFT! Taxi!!!!!

Mr Flash
51 years old; divorced twice; 1 grown up daughter; successful executive; tortured soul; no contact with his Jewish family over an inheritance argument; cautious and considered; generous; good looking...what's the catch I thought...while I was also thinking I've struck GOLD! This is the guy I've searched for all my life...
Emails
I hotlisted Mr Flash, his photos were very dapper, one image was of him in a fedora and tweed at the races, another him sat in a restaurant with a smart suit and sipping an oversize glass of red wine and another of him in his work attire looking in charge. Mr Flash responded by saying he was flattered by my approach and asked why I was looking for an older man? This was my response:-
"Cast your mind back to the man you were in your twenties and thirties and the man you are today and there is your answer!" I wrote OMS (Older Man Syndrome) in the email subject. And added why do you have YWM (Younger Women Syndrome!)? He emailed back saying what a brilliant response and that he found younger women to be more passionate about life than his older counterparts. Bring it on!
The Date
Drinks and dinner at a country hotel, instant spark and attraction. Richard Gere meets Viviene! Mr Flash arrived looking smart and casual in designer jeans, a shirt and a trendy jacket. He has amazing eyes and is better looking than his photos. Conversation flowed; common interests and outlooks. He asks me why I am single and is surprised why I am so. He also thinks intellectually I am older than my years. We share a platter of food and the chitter, chatter is engaging and fun. I notice Mr Flash is hugging a cushion as we recline and relax on the luxurious and oversize sofa.
We talk about psychology and life and philosophy and we click!
Date 2
Theatre trip to Chicago; it's raining; very romantic; fun; chemistry; perfect Gent; we scoop into a bar pre-show for a drink. Mr Flash is suited and booted and looks very handsome. Luckily, I have worn a dress and jacket and the bar maid comments "Great dress!" I thank her and Mr Flash right on cue looks at me and says "'yeah, it is a great dress"" I feel on fire. Mr Flash asks me what I am looking for from this internet dating search. I tell him...the Fairytale. What is that he asks me? I tell him I'll know it when it arrives...it's something so special that cannot be defined but ticks every box. Chicago is sassy, sexy and entertaining...all those fishnets and killer heels. There is a chemistry between me and Mr Flash. He is caressing my hand and i catch a glimpse of his profile in the theatre light and he has something. We leave the theatre and it's still raining, Mr Flash suggests a post theatre candlelit supper at Jamie's Italian restaurant, great food, conversation and connection!
Date 3
Mr Flash offers to arrange a 5 star hotel in the West End for yours truly; all expenses paid and NO he's not looking to stay there as well! I reinact the scene from Pretty Woman in my cottage when Julia Roberts is in the bath and going mad that Edward wants her to stay the week for 3000 dollars! Except picture this I clench my fists and do a running on the spot kind of excited, delighted and demented manoeuvre - it's not good look, but it felt great at the time!!! The Garden suite is most luxurious; Mr Flash picks me up at mid afternoon, we stroll through Covent Garden in my ridiculous choice of Kurt Geiger 3 and 1/2 inch heels on cobbled streets; I am totally over dressed in a black dress and cream coat how to draw attention to oneself in daylight; we peruse paintings in several glorious galleries; I am Pretty Woman the voice in my head keeps saying over and over....do everything within my power not to say "Can I call you Eddie" Clearly as that is not his name, as well as "If I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight"!!! Take a pew al fresco with chilled Sancerre and a live opera singer, it's perfect; Les Miserables is utterly moving and breath taking; then it's off to Rules Restaurant for a decadent fine dining experience; not forgetting the rickshaw ride back to my hotel and the cigar to complete the eve. Mr Flash tells me there's something unique about me...that I get it! Get life...get the things to appreciate and the outlook to have.
Date 4
Day out at Brands Hatch Motor Racing; Mr Flash is cool and collected, he wears his sunglasses inside the hospitality restaurant; I notice people clocking us...we look good together. He drinks alot of expresso; mind you I drink alot of wine!!! On to a Surrey village, for a mooch around the antique shops..there's sexual tension between us...I like him...we go to Waitrose. Mr Flash tells me it feels comfortable being in the supermarket with me...mmm...he selects lobster and monkfish and fine wine...gosh I like his style. We spend the eve at his place, he cooks, very well and I sit on the worktop while he preps the food, we talk, music on, it's romantic and sexy and there's an ease about us. We play the question game...it's fun! Then Mr Flash in one manoeuvre drops the starter ingredients all over the floor- hilarious-we are crying with laughter....
Date 5
An afternoon playing pool at a 5 star spa resort; luncheon; banter; drinks; cigars; walks; talks; Mr Flash tells me I need an old fashioned Gent to show me the world and real life....I DO!!!

Mr Meet the Parents
38 years old; single; long relationship which ended after his infidelity; riddled with guilt; small town mentality; estate agent; small man syndrome; 5ft 8; likes smoking; drinking; his local town; moto GP; Top Gear repeats; tea on the table when I get home from work kinda chap!
Mr Meet the Parents' Profile
I am fun with a cheeky sense of humour, easy to talk to and feel comfortable with. As well as having fun, I work extremely hard and I am very successful. I can be a little argumentative and so I would like to meet a slightly feisty lady! The type of nights out I enjoy with a lady range from a good restaurant, a nice glass of wine or two and good conversation to a spontaneous night out to clubs and bars (I'm not a bad mover on the dancefloor!)
I'm sure that special lady is out there waiting to get to know me!
The Date
Saturday eve drinks in a country pub...we walked in and to his surprise his father was at the bar. Clearly I assumed this was a joke...oh no it isn't and what's more his father exclaimed "You didn't tell me what a beauty she was, how very nice to meet you my dear" and it gets better his mother was sat through in the restaurant and we were off to meet her too!!!! Red faced and mildly panicked, I got through the small talk. It felt strange though sat with Mr Meet the Parents, who I had known all of 5 minutes and his parents, talking about motorsport, the weather and both our backgrounds. I was just starting to feel more at ease, the units of alcohol were kicking in. Until his mother summoned me to the ladies to powder our noses. She asked me if I'd like children and how she hoped dearly we worked out. What she didn't emphasize was that he still wore cuban heels and thought Turkey was the most glamorous place on this earth. Not to mention the fact that when Mr Meet the Parents had too much to drink he got a little bit angry about his 5feet and 8inches status and liked to kick plant pots or throw my handbag, complete with its contents around. See Ya! Still searching...

Mr Academic
34 years old; single; masters/PhD in Particle Physics no less! A Scientist; house sharing; enjoys outdoor activities; great email banter pre-date.
Mr Academic's Profile
I am widely travelled and having lived in Geneva for two years. The first to volunteer for any kind of adventure and have been everywhere on my motorbike between the Arctic Circle to the Sahara with a tent strapped to the back of it, made friends with the Bedouins and anyone else who was happy to stop, share a drink and a chat along the way.

I would be most suited to an outgoing, relatively independent girl with an enquiring mind who is not afraid to speak passionately about her interests. Reality TV enthusiasts need not apply, but a sense of humour straight out of leftfield will always be an advantage. I hope you enjoy riding pillion. I'd like to meet a girl who doesn't have a chronic phobia of spoons.

The Date
We met at a hotel bar for early eve drinks mid-week. Mr Academic arrived on his bicycle, complete with helmet and chain! Email banter had involved much talk of spoons...his profile specifically said he was looking for a girl without a chronic phobia of spoons (see above, you can't make this stuff up even if one tried!) So I took a blue daisy tea spoon to break the ice! I had nick named Mr Academic, Nick the Shoveller in our many emails, based around this obsession he had with spoons from the outset. Mr Academic hates his day job with a passion. He feels such disdain towards his boss that he is on the brink I would summise of committing sub-ordinate manslaughter. I ask him why he doesn't just jack it in and follow his dream. But he is trying to pay off his debts accrued from years of studying and in the academia arena. Conversation turned towards his theory that the female menopause is the main contributor to the onset of this recession. He lost me after menopause and I focused heavily on my mojitos! Polar opposites trapped at a table on different planets....he left on his UFO and I caught a taxi home. An internet date lesson learnt that no matter how much email banter and humour you have this does not guarantee face to face chemistry or connection or even mild communication or conversation! Still searching...knowing now to avoid any men with a pre-occupation of utensils!

Mr Eccentric
28 years old; single; quirky; cultured; musical; creative; spontaneous; emotional baggage from boarding school bullying and issues with his parents (a pop star father and an American hippy mother); slightly manic; black moods!
The Date
Mr Eccentric contacted me informing me that he was terribly excited upon reading my profile and that he felt sure we would hit it off with so much in common. We exchanged a few emails and I took the plunge in a late night, mildly intoxicated (me - no idea about him) introductory conversation. The end result....45 minutes of a vague but up beat chit chat and a date in the diary. Mid week lunch at a gastro-pub just me, him and his Jack Russell! I arrived to find an aristocratic looking gent awaiting me. Blue velvet smoking jacket, mustard jodphur style trousers and an eclectic mix of colour texture and a mad black beard that was not present on the profile pictures pre-date! He's a young dashing man trapped in a pensioner's wardrobe of pipe and slippers! Mr Eccentric runs a Gourmet Catering business...he is the perfect host, full of charm and charisma and a liking for the older lady he tells me...enter Mrs Robinson! We hit it off, he is engaging and witty and his dog adores me...he's trained the JR well to pull on my heart strings...who had taken up prime position in my lap! We spend the afternoon sharing funny stories, much laughter and frivolity. A complex character probably looking for a motherly figure to make him feel loved and secure. Lunch turns into a drive in the countryside, complete with JR attached to my lap like a heated cushion. We decide to head back to his rented farmhouse, which is in the middle of nowhere and invite his business partner and girlfriend over for cheese fondue and champagne! Now bearing in mind we have been drinking for the best part of the afternoon and it's now early evening, ours is a similar scene to Withnail and I (that's me and him...giggling in a squiffy stupor at the hilarities of our first date) so when his friends arrive sober I can only imagine the cringe worthy conversations and quips coming from our side of the table, as we repeat ourselves, slur about fate, our date and why wait...for love is the answer! Mr Eccentric then decides to serenade me at the table half way through cheese fondue fondling croning out "Do Wah Diddy there she was just a walkin' down the street...singin Do Wah Diddy" remember father was in a band in the 70s! As I fall out of the ricketty farmhouse door and into a taxi, in a haze of melted cheese and champers, I feel Mr Eccentric and dawg are an ecletic mix of madness, music and misunderstandings...still searching!!!

Mr Sensible
44 yrs old; Divorced; 2 children; Wife went off with a neighbour; Tall and handsome; Successful MD; Sensitive and Sensible; Genuine and Kind.
Mr Sensible's Profile
What with spending time with my adorable children, my family, enjoying treasured friendships, various interests and keeping things going at work, life is very full but very blessed. Interests include cinema, music of all kinds, theatre and arts, sailing, keeping fit and a bit of a petrol head (sorry girls!). I am great company and can make the right person feel very special.Seems to me life's an amazing journey. At some point it would be fantastic to bump into a soul mate, a fellow passenger, to share some of the wonderful experiences and great times along the way?
The Date
Sunday roast in a country pub. Pork. Talk. Wine. Fine.
This being my first internet date, I was surprisingly a bag of nerves. It's one thing writing a great profile and uploading some flattering photos onto the world wide web, it's quite another thing rocking up to what is essentially a blind date with a stranger off the internet. Stigma started to sink in. Am I desperate? Is this a crazy idea? The tight rope walk from profile to date is a wobbly one but even whilst winks, favourites and emails are pinging back and forth the safety net is proudly in place as you peer down from the world wide web that is the wire. However, once out from behind the luxury of the laptop screen and the sanctuary of cyber dating space, there is no safety net and the chances of serious injury from falling are magnified. As the window of opportunity to cancel this date closed by the minute my levels of self doubt and self delusion escalated. This manifested itself in a clothing tornado! As I left, my bedroom resembled that of an angry hormonal teenager, and my clothes crisis hit January Sales on Oxford Street levels, you know the score, creased clothes strewn all over the floors, ripped garments and hangers causing health and safety hazards, and a blanket of inside out, back to front outfits. Why am I so unsure of what to wear. Well, do knee boots and skinny jeans make me look like I'm up for it? It's the Sabbath day afterall, should I don a twin set and pearls? Is a polo neck a sign of being neurotic or frigid? Is it true cleavage and pins out at the same time is tarty? How do you pitch it just right in the fashion stakes as first impressions really do count. Too smart....trying too hard? Too casual...bland, boring or lacking effort. Too much flesh....slapper? Covered up...prude? High street? Designer? Boho? Conservative? Hippy chick? Professional? Then after battling with various colourful ensembles, and as I caught a glimpse of my beetroot red face, sweating in the mirror whilst battling with the elbow trapped in the wrong sleeve war...I thought sod it got to be myself so knee boots and skinny jeans complete with black polo neck and blazer it was. As I walked into the country pub, I wondered what is the internet dating etiquette for greeting. I spot Mr Sensible sat coolly at our table, reading the Independent. He is surprisingly younger and better looking than his profile photos. He stands up to greet me (and tall!) with a kiss and a warm smile. I, by this point have a heart beat suited to a raver and I know I am blushing. Pleasantries over, I make my excuses and rush to the loo. Mr Sensible asks me if I would like a wine....and as I turn on my knee high heels I shout yes please, he says what sort and before I can stop myself I have screeched "LARGE!" he smiles and says red or white? White I murmur turning now a shade of deep purple. Once inside the ladies, I have words with myself in the mirror. Calm down!!! Deep breaths! Back at the table, we make small talk and Mr Sensible proposes a toast, as I raise my "LARGE" glass of vino, my hand is shaking so badly, I cannot navigate sloshing glass to my mouth and have to tell him that I am nervous. Mr Sensible reassuringly grabs my knee and tells me to relax. Gosh is he thinking I'm a anxious wreck? Do i look like I've got the DT's? We talk about his marriage, his girls, I make an effort to ask about his children and show an interest, until I make the faux-pas that comes from getting cocky on 1st ever internet date by referring to Emma and he is quick to correct me that his daughter is called Emily. SHIT! We talk some more about his work...his dating experiences so far. The roast pork arrives...I drop my knife..ice breaker or just plain imbecile! I couldn't begin to tell you how the food was or what we talked about through the meal as I felt like a fish out of water and just wanted to remember his daughter is called Emily! We left the pub and Mr Sensible suggested a mooch around the shops, he made a point of walking on the outside of the pavement, and took my hand as we crossed the road, which was very gentlemanly. We said our goodbyes and he suggested meeting up again. Phew, no longer an internet date virgin and relieved to be heading home....as I have one hell of a bedroom to tidy up! Searching starts!!!

Welcome on Board!
One woman's search for a stranger, a soul mate, a knight in shining armour we all dream for as little girls...the Fairytale! Does it really exist? Can love and laughter really be found on the world wide web?
1 Profile
10 Top Internet Dating Websites
1000's of Hotlists, Favourites, Pokes and Jokes, Emails and Tales! Winks and High Jinks!
Pull up a chair and let me introduce you to the Old, the Young, the Mental and the Fun! Some Single, some Strange, certainly Lonely, and the odd one Deranged! The Dynamic and discerning, desperate and yearning, some separated, many divorced and even debauched! The Chancers, Dreamers, Damaged, and Schemers! The Nice, the Needy, the Greedy and the Genuine!
100 dates
1 diary

“Men are like a deck of cards. You'll find the occasional king, but most are jacks.” Laura Swenson.

Swim up stream gentlemen. And there you will find the only catch you've been looking for hook, line and sinker love and laughter. For this fishy is intelligent, sharp and witty. Sultry, sensual and chic. She enjoys wellies and walkies as well as high heels and fast wheels! Country pubs and sophisticated restaurants. Roaring fires and roaring with laughter. Kissing in the rain and relaxing in the sun. She loves polo, horse racing and Formula One. She's elegant and eloquent, articulate and adventurous. Racy and romantic as well as vibrant and vivacious. A culture vulture, passionate about theatre, art and dancing. My glass is neither half full nor half empty. It's brimming with positivity, curiosity and a lust for life and the people and paths we cross along the way. I'll wait for you on the platform with a BLUE flower in my hair. PS You will be a distinguished, dynamic, discerning Gent. With a sharp mind and a warm heart. Considered and caring. Dark horse and daring! Successful and stable. Willing and able! And remember a woman without a man, is like a FISH without a bicycle. Who's peddling up stream? You or Me?

"It's better to be looked over than overlooked" Mae West