I started wondering why everyone in the pool of internet dating spouts out the same profile stuff over and over. So much of the same old thing! DVD - bottle of wine...good sense of humour..wide circle of friends, fully functional family, great job, great bod, great brain, completely sane! Sporty, thoughty, naughty and haughty! Mmm so why the heck are you single, Mr Perfect? Mr Eligible? Mr Hubby-Material? I know why...read on Sherlock!

When you're new to all this, it all seems terribly exciting...WOW! So many nice single eligible men...swimming round in a pool, removed slightly from the real sea of life, but so easily accessed at the touch of a button, what a great concept...dating with your cat on your lap, in your chocolate and red wine stained PJs, bed hair, builders tea, watching dross day-time TV (you know the sort, in-bred families swapping partners and throwing chairs at each other across a studio, all in the name of entertainment) Alas, you'll never have to go out again! What you don't realise is that you are potentially emailing pot bellied, bare chested men, who are sat in their already once or twice reversed Y fronts, surrounded by pot noodles, porn mags, basket loads of dirty washing, empty cans of stella, over flowing ashtrays, Nuts magazines, paper cuttings of escorts on free ads!....plucking their nasal/ear hair onto their keyboards, whilst fantasising about the next 21 year old supermodel profile to approach. The ones whose photos are either non existent, 10 years out of date, camouflaged with baseball caps and sunglasses or pasted onto the Taj Mahal shot or Kilimanjaro both of which these guys have never seen, walked up or down, as they have never left a 15 miles radius of Kidderminster!
Every man has a big fabulous life with massive cars and houses and they go to exotic places on holidays, not to mention the bulging bank balance and kind and generous nature to go with the deck of credit, debit, store, more, adore, flexible friends to hook us golddigging, money grabbing ladies into the fold!
They love their (dog cat horse llama monkey alligator kingcobra elephant mother father sister niece nephew neighbour the homeless the planet shoe shopping DIY) -delete as applicable...
Seems like all the most fantastic men go on these dating sites, and what an amazing place it is to be...

Wouldn't it be funny if they did the same in all potential dating situations - walking round in a nightclub/Tescos/the workplace/the park with the age range they require, on the front of their designer, muscle clinging t-shirt, and all the other vital statistics in their profile on display - and a couple of photos stuck on their backside - the usual stuff, you know, in the suit as the best man - sprawled over their fast car - smothering the poor old dog - ski-ing - fancy dress looking like a total dick - glass of wine in hand, a bit merry, actually totally smashed and bog eyed ...but not all in the same photo by the way. Well actually....

Still searching and swimming...but taking a life jacket, just in case of emergencies!!!