What do you get if you cross a single, sassy, sexy, sensual, sophisticated...did I mention SINGLE...woman with a Chinese takeaway, a glass of Sauvignon Blanc or 2, an i-pod producing fine tunes for superb candlelit supper and a glossy laptop screen?

Answer - too much takeaway and not enough testosterone on a Tuesday eve!

You know what, it's just dawned on me, as I sit here alone in my cottage, that this internet dating lark, whilst at times tremendous fun and full of adventure, mystery, madness, mayhem, drama, occasional disappointment and more often pure pleasure and excitement - it's not for real.

Internet Dating Is Not REAL! FACT.

If I felt unwell tonight...Mr X-Y-Z is not on hand to hold my hair back as I vomit into the toilet, is he? Who will mop my brow as weep childishly (which I do whenever I am sick, because I find it totally traumatic to do an impression of a lunatic donkey and re-visit last year's steak (oh that's an enema isn't it, wrong end same feelings of abuse) not to mention yesterday's salmon en croute).

Anyhoo, Mr A-B-C is not about to rush out to get me Lemsips or make up a hot water bottle for my shivering body and put me to bed. Nor will Mr A-B or Mr C for that matter be here in the morning...making me a cuppa and telling me I look and sound so much better. (Please note, I look great in the mornings!)

Equally Mr D-E or F isn't here for me to tell him about my day in the office or otherwise...the highs..the lows...the mediocre of midweek routine life. And I am unable to listen to his, because he is either telling his wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, therapist, or no-one. Maybe I'm pissed off and need to vent..maybe I'm elated and need to express euphoria. But without a sounding board...an avid listener..what's the point?

Mr G-H-L haven't just rocked up to talk about the future...our future...from this weekend and which friends we will be sharing our time with to next year when we will strive to achieve together our hopes and dreams. Our next holiday....our next house move...our first or next child...what wallpaper we like and shall we landscape our garden, Tescos online or shall we try Sainsburys? New, mash or roast potatoes this eve?

It's not my Birthday today as it happens, so please don't feel bad that you forgot, but if it was, Mr M-N-O won't know. I am almost invisible really, a super hero...a First Date Superhero to all the men in the alphabet or cyberspace. I've been bought flowers, dinners, drinks, hotels, shoes, gifts galore, had wild and wonderful experiences and memories that have been breathtaking but on the one day of the year that I want to feel even more special than I do generally (Positive Mental Attitude people) and share with someone special - I am currently still single.

Where were we...Mr P-Q-R, right what else...well, what I'm starting to think is internet dating is really superficial, shallow, sometimes silly...it's like speed dating but lasts a little bit longer, most of the time. (You know who you are Mr Under 3 minutes!!!) So quick I didn't get chance to blog him!!!

Mr S-T-U say no more, but if you can't be good...be careful..is what my mother always told me.

So that leaves Mr V (maybe a Virgin and coming soon no doubt!!! He's a sure thang!) and Mr W (already blogged)....and that's just 26 alphabet dates...

What I will say is internet dating is addictive...and the more dating you do the more you want...the more comfortable and familiar it becomes to meet a total stranger, it's intoxicating, you get to know each other or not as the case may be in one rendezvous and then you decide hit or miss or maybe...or Snog, Marry or Avoid? Mmm..I'd term it Snog, Shag or Scarper!
Fun, Fuck or Run....it has all the attractions of an affair...it's new, exciting, you can be anyone you want to be really...you don't have to see this stranger ever again..so why worry. But the ties that bind and bond a friendship...relationship are missing if you are a serial internet dater! It's momentary...

Still searching...still with a Jo-ker smile!!! Schwing...

PS Mr Batman and Mr Robin coming soon on a blog near youhoo!