Swinging For The Other Team?.....
Oh my! I opened my email box on POF (Plenty of Fish) and what do you think I saw for the first time ever? A message from Msstraddle asking me, “How are you today” with no question mark. My rules go for both sexes. No punctuation, no shot with me. I am not gender biased when it comes to good grammar and I don’t make exceptions for good looking blond girls either.
“I have been on this site for three and a half months and thought I had seen everything! When telling a friend, he said “well of course, you are cat-nip for lesbians.” If I did not cherish men like I do, I suppose I might try kissing a girl. You know the song by Katie Perry? I kissed a girl and I liked it… And what if I did like it? Soft, full, cherry-chap-stick-lips. Smooth, firm skin. Good smelling long hair. Hey, I might just write myself into this idea….
In all seriousness, I am a man-o-holic. I love men so much that I wish I could marry six of them at once. That would be the ONLY way I would ever get married again. The only problem with men is that they tend to be territorial when it comes to their lady and I know that Utah only allows polygamy to happen in reverse. So single I will stay.
The other issue in dating more than one man is what to do about feeling frisky? If you have a handful of men you are seeing at once, you cannot in good conscious sleep with all of them just because you like all of them. That might make you a slut. So, you have to carefully consider your favorites and juggle strategically, until you have carefully edited it down to one. I am in this process now and it is probably one of those notions that sounds good in theory, but will blow up in my face before I am to the finish line. It is my own version of The Bachelorette without invasive cameras and limos. Maybe the same gender doesn’t necessarily count…
That leads me to my current reality of living without sex while “turned-on” a lot… What to do ladies? There is a little shop in San Francisco called “Good Vibrations.” Grab a girlfriend and pick out an interim boyfriend in your favorite color. This will get you through the tough times and help you feel good about yourself in more ways than one! I am not saying this beats the real deal. It is only temporary and does serve a very noble purpose
RK, San Fransisco
Oh my! I opened my email box on POF (Plenty of Fish) and what do you think I saw for the first time ever? A message from Msstraddle asking me, “How are you today” with no question mark. My rules go for both sexes. No punctuation, no shot with me. I am not gender biased when it comes to good grammar and I don’t make exceptions for good looking blond girls either.
“I have been on this site for three and a half months and thought I had seen everything! When telling a friend, he said “well of course, you are cat-nip for lesbians.” If I did not cherish men like I do, I suppose I might try kissing a girl. You know the song by Katie Perry? I kissed a girl and I liked it… And what if I did like it? Soft, full, cherry-chap-stick-lips. Smooth, firm skin. Good smelling long hair. Hey, I might just write myself into this idea….
In all seriousness, I am a man-o-holic. I love men so much that I wish I could marry six of them at once. That would be the ONLY way I would ever get married again. The only problem with men is that they tend to be territorial when it comes to their lady and I know that Utah only allows polygamy to happen in reverse. So single I will stay.
The other issue in dating more than one man is what to do about feeling frisky? If you have a handful of men you are seeing at once, you cannot in good conscious sleep with all of them just because you like all of them. That might make you a slut. So, you have to carefully consider your favorites and juggle strategically, until you have carefully edited it down to one. I am in this process now and it is probably one of those notions that sounds good in theory, but will blow up in my face before I am to the finish line. It is my own version of The Bachelorette without invasive cameras and limos. Maybe the same gender doesn’t necessarily count…
That leads me to my current reality of living without sex while “turned-on” a lot… What to do ladies? There is a little shop in San Francisco called “Good Vibrations.” Grab a girlfriend and pick out an interim boyfriend in your favorite color. This will get you through the tough times and help you feel good about yourself in more ways than one! I am not saying this beats the real deal. It is only temporary and does serve a very noble purpose
RK, San Fransisco
He was tall, dark and handsome...
I met 'Paul' on a popular dating site after having been a member for three months and not really being anywhere near finding someone I could connect with. I was about to leave the site when I noticed Paul had added my profile to his favourites. I wasn't sure at first, he seemed too good to be true but my friend encouraged me to add him to my favourites and then see what would happen.
He emailed me through the site, saying how flattered he was that I'd added him to my favourites and we began a web chat that evening. He gave me his number and we talked until the small hours. He sounded intelligent, easy going, easy to talk to, I felt like I'd known him for years. We arranged to meet the following Friday night at a pub close to me, even though he lives 40 miles away. Throughout the week we talked a few times, still intending to meet up that Friday night. However, he stood me up, I couldn't get through to his mobile phone and he wasn't answering his home phone. I sent him a text, telling him off for standing me up and then he called me, apparently devastated that he hadn't been there. He said he'd been waiting for me to call to confirm things but I couldn't because his phone was off!
After he'd apologised profusely I gave in a little and we spoke again the next day and every day for 2 weeks afterwards for hours at a time. We got to know a lot about each other but I'm a very cautious person and I don't give much away as I've been really badly treated and hurt in the past. He told me he was crazy about me before I even met him, that he just wanted to be with me, etc. I laughed and said he hadn't even met me yet and that he might find me hideous! When I did meet him finally, I fell for him in a big way. He was tall, dark and handsome, everything I'd ever wanted. I tried to overlook the fact that he'd stood me up the first time, even though something was nagging at my brain over and over again.
We stayed at the pub all afternoon. He appeared besotted with me, said he couldn't understand how my ex had cheated on me because I was gorgeous, etc. He said I'd now met my future husband, that I would be loved and adored, all the things a girl likes to hear I guess. During the following week he came to visit me 4 times, eventually saying that he'd fallen in love with me and he even asked me to marry him! I said no, that it was too soon and that he'd have to ask me again. I was so happy that even when the love of my life, who I've never got over, tried to contact me I pushed him away, telling him I was with someone and that I was deliriously happy.
After 2 weeks, Paul began to change. No longer was he the happy go lucky, easy going and besotted guy I'd met and fallen for. He was moody, scruffy, smelly, unkempt and he displayed behaviour to that of an ex of mine who had tried to control my life and beaten me up for dumping him. Paul complained that he was suffering from exhaustion and that he needed blood tests, etc. I'm a caring person and I've also suffered exhaustion too so I could empathise with him and offered to take care of him. However, he jumped down my throat, saying "whatever I\'m suffering from you've always already had it! " He really hurt me and I should have then listened to my intuition and walked away but I couldn’t. If I didn’t call or text him he’d have a go at me but if he didn’t call or text me I was supposed to overlook it. All this time he was still on the dating site we’d met on so I had to force him to cancel his membership, which he was really upset about!
Things went downhill pretty fast after that, he insisted that he loved me but was too ill to come and see me. So, I’d drive 40 miles to see him but when I got there he’d be moody and non-communicative and he looked awful. He didn’t smell too good either so I suggested running him a bath to relax him but he just shouted at me. He couldn’t make love to me, his mind was always elsewhere. When we went to bed he’d find that he couldn’t sleep so he left me in his bed alone all night while he watched TV. I’d just about had enough so after that I left him to it.
He eventually admitted that he’d been diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, that he’d lost all his confidence and was a shadow of his former self. I felt bad for him so I relaxed a little and called him every day, even from my holiday in Spain, costing me a fortune. When I got back he told me he didn’t want to see me and that he was in a bad mood with the world. I backed off and left him to it, convinced myself that it was over and that I needed to forget it and move on. A week or so later he called me, begging to see me, apologising for taking his illness out on me, scared I was going to dump him, breaking his heart over everything, even calling me names! I arranged to go and see him in a couple of days so we could work things out. I hadn’t seen him in weeks so I just wanted to see what he looked like!
The following night he sent me a text which was the final straw – "don’t come tomorrow, have stayed in Manchester for the wedding." I didn’t even know he was going to a wedding, much less one in Manchester and if he was so ill how come he could go there and not come to visit me? He said nothing about rearranging, that was it. I was so angry at being lied to yet again that I called him and left him a message to "**** off!" and I haven’t heard a word from him since.
Lisa, Yorkshire
I met 'Paul' on a popular dating site after having been a member for three months and not really being anywhere near finding someone I could connect with. I was about to leave the site when I noticed Paul had added my profile to his favourites. I wasn't sure at first, he seemed too good to be true but my friend encouraged me to add him to my favourites and then see what would happen.
He emailed me through the site, saying how flattered he was that I'd added him to my favourites and we began a web chat that evening. He gave me his number and we talked until the small hours. He sounded intelligent, easy going, easy to talk to, I felt like I'd known him for years. We arranged to meet the following Friday night at a pub close to me, even though he lives 40 miles away. Throughout the week we talked a few times, still intending to meet up that Friday night. However, he stood me up, I couldn't get through to his mobile phone and he wasn't answering his home phone. I sent him a text, telling him off for standing me up and then he called me, apparently devastated that he hadn't been there. He said he'd been waiting for me to call to confirm things but I couldn't because his phone was off!
After he'd apologised profusely I gave in a little and we spoke again the next day and every day for 2 weeks afterwards for hours at a time. We got to know a lot about each other but I'm a very cautious person and I don't give much away as I've been really badly treated and hurt in the past. He told me he was crazy about me before I even met him, that he just wanted to be with me, etc. I laughed and said he hadn't even met me yet and that he might find me hideous! When I did meet him finally, I fell for him in a big way. He was tall, dark and handsome, everything I'd ever wanted. I tried to overlook the fact that he'd stood me up the first time, even though something was nagging at my brain over and over again.
We stayed at the pub all afternoon. He appeared besotted with me, said he couldn't understand how my ex had cheated on me because I was gorgeous, etc. He said I'd now met my future husband, that I would be loved and adored, all the things a girl likes to hear I guess. During the following week he came to visit me 4 times, eventually saying that he'd fallen in love with me and he even asked me to marry him! I said no, that it was too soon and that he'd have to ask me again. I was so happy that even when the love of my life, who I've never got over, tried to contact me I pushed him away, telling him I was with someone and that I was deliriously happy.
After 2 weeks, Paul began to change. No longer was he the happy go lucky, easy going and besotted guy I'd met and fallen for. He was moody, scruffy, smelly, unkempt and he displayed behaviour to that of an ex of mine who had tried to control my life and beaten me up for dumping him. Paul complained that he was suffering from exhaustion and that he needed blood tests, etc. I'm a caring person and I've also suffered exhaustion too so I could empathise with him and offered to take care of him. However, he jumped down my throat, saying "whatever I\'m suffering from you've always already had it! " He really hurt me and I should have then listened to my intuition and walked away but I couldn’t. If I didn’t call or text him he’d have a go at me but if he didn’t call or text me I was supposed to overlook it. All this time he was still on the dating site we’d met on so I had to force him to cancel his membership, which he was really upset about!
Things went downhill pretty fast after that, he insisted that he loved me but was too ill to come and see me. So, I’d drive 40 miles to see him but when I got there he’d be moody and non-communicative and he looked awful. He didn’t smell too good either so I suggested running him a bath to relax him but he just shouted at me. He couldn’t make love to me, his mind was always elsewhere. When we went to bed he’d find that he couldn’t sleep so he left me in his bed alone all night while he watched TV. I’d just about had enough so after that I left him to it.
He eventually admitted that he’d been diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, that he’d lost all his confidence and was a shadow of his former self. I felt bad for him so I relaxed a little and called him every day, even from my holiday in Spain, costing me a fortune. When I got back he told me he didn’t want to see me and that he was in a bad mood with the world. I backed off and left him to it, convinced myself that it was over and that I needed to forget it and move on. A week or so later he called me, begging to see me, apologising for taking his illness out on me, scared I was going to dump him, breaking his heart over everything, even calling me names! I arranged to go and see him in a couple of days so we could work things out. I hadn’t seen him in weeks so I just wanted to see what he looked like!
The following night he sent me a text which was the final straw – "don’t come tomorrow, have stayed in Manchester for the wedding." I didn’t even know he was going to a wedding, much less one in Manchester and if he was so ill how come he could go there and not come to visit me? He said nothing about rearranging, that was it. I was so angry at being lied to yet again that I called him and left him a message to "**** off!" and I haven’t heard a word from him since.
Lisa, Yorkshire
No Home Phone Number – First Clue...
I met ‘Max’ online in a neighboring state's romance chat room.
We hit it off immediately and we began talking daily. He worked inconsistent hours as the manager of an Applebee's so we talked at different times. He gave me his cell phone and work # because those were easiest to contact him on. I was THRILLED when he finally asked me out for dinner.
We went to my favorite Mexican cafe - he was adorable and everything was going very well. He asked if he could sit next to me in the booth because sitting across from me was 'too far away'. We fed each other nachos and he kissed me and kissed me long and passionately as though no one else were in the restaurant. I thought oh my God this is the FIRST time that has EVER happened to me! He acted as though I were a goddess and I felt like the most desirable; gorgeous woman on the planet. We walked out to his car where he proceeded to take my hand and suck each of my fingers into his mouth - kissing me and telling me how he was falling for me already. I know - I know MUCH too soon but at the time I was very vulnerable and I had been with my ex for 23 years - almost half of my life and hadn't dated many men before my ex and this was all new to me). I am a hopeless romantic and I wanted to believe it.
We dated for two incredible months. He was extremely passionate; romantic; sensitive and kind to me. e told me he loved me and I told him that I loved him. Every time we'd go out to dinner and/or a movie, we'd come back and make love at my place as he was 3 hours from me.
Then one morning I received an e-mail from him saying, "Everything I told you was the truth except that I am MARRIED and living with my wife. I know this must come as a shock to you but I hate her and I do love you. I would leave her in a heartbeat for you if it weren't for our two small children. She said awhile ago if I ever left her, she would make sure I never saw the children and they would cease to be a part of my life forever. I can't accept that. I love them too much. I hope you understand. I want to continue our relationship - you to love and her because of the children. I won't touch her. I promise. Just let us continue the way we are now and let me love you. You are everything to me."
I wrote back 'How could you LIE to me this way?! I never want to see you again.'
He didn't take no for an answer and he kept hounding me in e-mail. I still see him on the net occasionally in romance chat rooms and he's still looking.
It amazes me that a man can look at himself in the mirror after lying like that. I was devastated, but better to know two months into it than later on down the road.
Jane, London
I met ‘Max’ online in a neighboring state's romance chat room.
We hit it off immediately and we began talking daily. He worked inconsistent hours as the manager of an Applebee's so we talked at different times. He gave me his cell phone and work # because those were easiest to contact him on. I was THRILLED when he finally asked me out for dinner.
We went to my favorite Mexican cafe - he was adorable and everything was going very well. He asked if he could sit next to me in the booth because sitting across from me was 'too far away'. We fed each other nachos and he kissed me and kissed me long and passionately as though no one else were in the restaurant. I thought oh my God this is the FIRST time that has EVER happened to me! He acted as though I were a goddess and I felt like the most desirable; gorgeous woman on the planet. We walked out to his car where he proceeded to take my hand and suck each of my fingers into his mouth - kissing me and telling me how he was falling for me already. I know - I know MUCH too soon but at the time I was very vulnerable and I had been with my ex for 23 years - almost half of my life and hadn't dated many men before my ex and this was all new to me). I am a hopeless romantic and I wanted to believe it.
We dated for two incredible months. He was extremely passionate; romantic; sensitive and kind to me. e told me he loved me and I told him that I loved him. Every time we'd go out to dinner and/or a movie, we'd come back and make love at my place as he was 3 hours from me.
Then one morning I received an e-mail from him saying, "Everything I told you was the truth except that I am MARRIED and living with my wife. I know this must come as a shock to you but I hate her and I do love you. I would leave her in a heartbeat for you if it weren't for our two small children. She said awhile ago if I ever left her, she would make sure I never saw the children and they would cease to be a part of my life forever. I can't accept that. I love them too much. I hope you understand. I want to continue our relationship - you to love and her because of the children. I won't touch her. I promise. Just let us continue the way we are now and let me love you. You are everything to me."
I wrote back 'How could you LIE to me this way?! I never want to see you again.'
He didn't take no for an answer and he kept hounding me in e-mail. I still see him on the net occasionally in romance chat rooms and he's still looking.
It amazes me that a man can look at himself in the mirror after lying like that. I was devastated, but better to know two months into it than later on down the road.
Jane, London